Change of heart: How to effect a change of heart in a child (without punishment or force)

It is the goal of most American parents. Most American parents want their children to have a change of heart. Most parents try to effect a change of heart in children by way of punishments. However, there are better ways to instruct children in good traits, than punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor.

A change of heart occurs within the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refer to secure, vulnerable in the love and submission. This word refers to a secure attachment, meaning a secure attachment between parent and child is a commandment from God. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, meaning parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords as a form of child punishment, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children showed good traits - such as sharing, self-control, patience, or empathy - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by their fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good by their fathers. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to religious instruction. Parents simply left an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible out for the child to discover and explore. Fathers, when children were caught reading the good book, were lavishly praised and encouraged for their religious vocation, with fathers saying "that book is good for you". Children were eager to learn about the facts of life, and fathers gave pointers on the context.

Children have a religious development all of their own, and don't need to constantly be preached at. Children's religious beliefs, when the child is young, is non-conforming to any religious denomination. But, as they get older, they will go through the stages of conforming to a specific denominational belief system. Children, throughout the course of their religious development, were given praise and encouragement from fathers. Along the way, children discovered the doctrine of original sin by way of asking fathers "Why did Christ have to die". What a parent should say there is that "we are imperfect as human beings", and then the rest of the research they will do on their own.

What motivated the religious vocation of children? Children were motivated to trust their parents for religious advice by way of a secure attachment, primarily to mothers, and secondarily to fathers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were quartered in the nude next to each other in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children, and then picked them up in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. When mothers were out and about, they swaddled their children in swaddling blankets, perhaps breastfeeding a milk-dependent child right there and then. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

The abovementioned sustaining warmth and nourishment motivated children to have a change of heart. Children were born in sin, and that is not up for debate. But, children are capable of self-improvement almost entirely on their own, albeit while motivated by the good example of parents. For most people, having a change of heart is growing up. Children's development, including their religious development, does not have to be rushed. Children will get to their own religious conclusion, on their own. It may not be your denominational choice, but it sure is theirs. When you see your child's religious beliefs evolving and maturing, it is good to praise and encourage spiritual growth in children, no matter where their religious growth takes them. If you started off right from day one, expect their religious beliefs to conform to yours. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!