Child punishment: Why child punishment is prohibited in the Bible (and what to do instead)

Many parents think that children sometimes deserve punishment, usually after feeling disrespected in some way. Most American parents punish their children when they do something wrong, and cite the Bible in their defense. However, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways to discipline your child.

True Christian parenting is summed up by the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and is to submit as such. Child surrender to parents came with strings attached on the part of parents, with children issuing righteous demands from their restful place, usually when parents weren't pulling their weight.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely personal offenses perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the parish at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women, but he sure loved children, and took in orphaned children. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely hated due to being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught emulating the disciplined example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by their fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection by their fathers when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents were only allowed to give advice when needed, or else counsel their children when they are crying or out of sorts.

Children in biblical times were not punished. In fact, any anger coming from a parent was deemed to be entitlement, and if the parent anger led to damages or offenses on the part of the child - including personal offense - the parents, in the Early Christian context, were excommunicated from the church. Any anger towards a child, at all, was seen as entitlement. The ancients had their definition of child abuse. The Bible serves to lift up these abuse definitions in Christian law. Parenting in biblical times was motivated by worry or concern, not anger. Parents who were driven by anger were seen as vipers and monsters out to get their own children.

Fathers instead disciplined their children by way of modeling and encouragement. Fathers started out by working on their own demons, and centering their own entitlement, including in relation to children. When children saw their father controlling himself, they wanted to be disciplined like their father. Children emulated their father's example in increments, with each increment being praised lavishly and encouragingly by fathers for their good works on themselves. The Greek translation of the word "nurture" in the second stanza of Ephesians 6:4 does point to a form of nurturing, but the teaching form of nurturing that was encouraging instead of punitive.

What motivated children to be like their parents? Ultimately, children wanted to be like their parents by way of a secure attachment, primarily to their mother, and secondarily to their father. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, quartered in the home next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried or were upset, mothers cooed before picking up the child, then holding the child close to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. From there, mothers diagnosed the need and then met it. A common need of milk-dependent children was breastmilk, and so many times, a crying child was breastfed to sleep. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. Co-sleeping ended come the onset of puberty in children, which was when most children wanted a place of their own to sleep.

The abovementioned closeness to mothers prepared children for their religious education from fathers. Fathers in biblical times passed down the faith simply by leaving out a Bible. When the child was caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religion was a common conversation between fathers and children, with children being eager to learn, and fathers giving children pointers on the context. As the child's personal theology developed, the child was given much praise and encouragement from fathers for progress in their religious development.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!