Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punishment or force

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common want in parents. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. However, proper Christian discipline of children opposes the concept of punishment at all. 

Child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this verse clarifies for the second as to discipline not being punitive in nature. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to avoid spanking or punishing children - you need to not offend children at all in the course of disciplining them. The only way to fully escape guilt concerning this commandment is to be willing to make a meaningful apology whenever you offend your child, especially when you lose your cool, but also whenever you have to set a limit that offends the child. This first stanza of Eph. 6:4 was intended by the Apostle Paul to clarify that it is not okay to offend your child with your own entitlement, but at the same time, children need discipline. This verse, as a whole, advocates non-punitive means of discipline. 

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific type of nurturing, namely the teaching type. Whenever children were caught in the act of being good, they were given lavish praise and encouragement for more good behavior of the same. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for their children, but backed up their example with praise and encouragement, not punishment and force. However, any discipline that is intended to offend children is considered unlawful under God's Law. Children need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia)  and refers here to a child hearing out the Christian warning of fathers. Children growing up in the Early Church were introduced to religion by parents leaving out a Bible, for the child to discover and explore. The idea is that when you catch your child in the act of reading the Bible, give them lavish praise and encouragement for more of the same in terms of Bible study. From there, religious study in Christian households in the Early Church came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers as to the context. Most children end up at the same religious conclusions of their parents in terms of childhood religious development.  

Christian fathers in the Early Church were expected to discipline their children, but at the same time, fathers were not allowed to offend their children in any way in the course of disciplining their children. Instead, fathers avoided offense of children by way of apologizing to children whenever the father hurt the child's feelings, with fathers also avoiding the slightest of personal offense perceived by their child. 

Unlike other ancient cultures, fathers in the Early Church did not use "hand-me-down-the-slate" gaslighting with their children. Instead, mothers responded to the child's every cry, without handing the child over to the father when she had enough of a child crying. The role of fathers was to discipline children by catching them being good. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is tthe ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!