"Benign" deprivation: Why "benign" deprivation is unbiblical

Many parents think that "benign" deprivation is a good method to use in parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. "Benign" deprivation is depriving children of minute needs in order to focus on what they "really" need.

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and are to submit as such. This surrender to parents came with strings attached on the part of parents, with children issuing righteous demands towards parents, usually when parents weren't doing their part in the family home.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords on their children as punishment, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

"Benign" deprivation is depriving children of minute needs, and saving the parents' energy so that parents can focus on what the child "really" needs. The fact of the matter is that the child needs what the child needs. In biblical times, the EVERY cry of a child was seen as self-advocacy for what the child needed. Mothers responded to the every cry of children by picking them up, and holding them in their arms close to her bosom. Sometimes, children were milk-hungry, and then children were breastfed to sleep by their mothers. Breastfeeding usually lasted until age 3, but sometimes up to age 6 or even older.

The concept of "benign" deprivation surrounds the word "no". By default, parents were under the divine authority of children, meaning parents had to obey the issued orders of their children. The only way a parent could righteously disobey children was if the orders were unlawful and/or unworkable. When children were given the word "no", they could possibly appeal the case to the council. If the council sided with the children, the parents were excommunicated, and the children were taken in as orphans.

I myself was subjected to "benign" deprivation. The most egregious of offenses that I still hold on to - even as I forgive my parents - was when I was denied co-sleeping. My father would get very angry when I tried to crawl into bed with my mom. Co-sleeping was a need for me especially while struggling with bipolar mania.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger though punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!