Why to catch children being good (as opposed to caught being bad)

Many parents believe in disciplining children. This is a common goal for parents. It is true that children need discipline. However, children do not ever need to be punished as a form of discipline. Children instead need to be disciplined with a Christian example, and with that example backed up by attachment from mothers, and encouragement from fathers. This means that children need to be caught being good, and then praised for it.

Catching children being good is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to anger: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This form of surrender to parents came with strings attached on the part of parents, meaning children could issue lawfully binding orders from their place of rest, usually when parents were not doing their fair share around the house.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul may have not have gotten along with women, but he sure loved children, and took in orphaned children. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught emulating the disciplined example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the right path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, and girls were given snuggles and physical affection from fathers when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning that parents could only offer advice to their children when needed, and counsel children when they are upset. Otherwise, children had divine authority over their parents.

Children need discipline in their lives, and that is a given. However, many parents believe falsely that children need punishment as a form of discipline. The fact of the matter is that children need parents to impart a good Christian example to their children, where the parent is convicted of the fact that they are a depraved and entitled sinner, and thus is deserving of absolutely nothing. Knowing that you are deserving of absolutely nothing forces you to be grateful for absolutely everything. Children are watching your every move, and when you find them copying your disciplined example, such as for showing patience or self-control, don't forget to praise them lavishly and encouragingly. When they receive praise and encouragement, that reinforces the desired behavior even more. 

Children are not going to become disciplined overnight. Children will absorb the disciplined example of parents at their own pace, little by little. Whenever that discipline shows in their behavior, it is good to praise and encourage the behavior. Children grow up almost entirely on their own, and are guided solely by the example of their parents. The idea is not to rush discipline, but mete out discipline when warranted in the form of praise and encouragement.

How does a child become motivated to follow the example of their parents. They first need a secure attachment, primarily with their mother, and secondarily with their father. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at them, then picked them up and held them in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. From there, the mother diagnosed the need and provided for it. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. All of this closeness readied children to be encouraged and praised by their fathers for taking up Christian studies on their own accord - children can be religious entirely on their own, and when that happened, fathers discussed the Bible casually with children, giving children pointers on the context as they eagerly devoured all Scripture in sight. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!