Strictness in Christian homes: How to bring up children in the strictness of the Lord (without punishment or force)

Many parents want it for their children. Strictness is important in a Christian home. This truth is well-known. However, most parents do not know how to instill strict attitudes in children. Most parents think that teaching strictness means being strict with children. The fact of the matter is that children need to learn to be strict with themselves, and that only happens when children are encouraged for practicing strictness with themselves.

The strictness of the Lord is best instilled as a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This sort of surrender comes with strings attached on the part of parents, meaning children can issue lawfully binding orders from a place of rest, most commonly when parents aren't doing their part in terms of righteous providence.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may have not gotten along with women, but he sure loved children. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with their children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good by their fathers, instead of caught being bad. Whenever a child emulated the disciplined example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good, whereas girls were given snuggles and other physical affection when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only give advice, or else counsel children when they were upset. Children were free to ignore the advice of parents, but most children were motivated to follow the advice of parents, because they trusted in their parents.

Children do need strictness, meaning they need discipline and structure. However, it is a myth that children need punishment and controlling treatment to learn strictness. Children need parents to embrace strictness, meaning accept the fact that they are a depraved and entitled sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing. This forces the parent to be grateful for absolutely everything. Once you catch your child showing discipline in some small way, such as being patient or accepting the word "no", praise and encourage them lavishly, as they are following in your footsteps with your disciplined example.

What motivates a child to be strict with themselves? It all starts with a secure attachment, primarily to mothers, and then secondarily to fathers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever a child cried, mothers swooped in to the rescue, cooing at the child before picking them up, placing the child on their bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness, from there diagnosing any other needs the child might have. Maybe the child was tired, so the mother co-snuggled on the bed with the child. Most women in the Early Church did not have a job, with the clergy being the main line of work for women.

Fathers left out a Bible for children to hopefully discover, and teach themselves to read on. Usually, around age 6, children found the Bible laying out, and then perused through the pages, exploring Scripture on their own accord. When fathers caught their children reading Scripture, they remarked "that book is good for you". Girls were rewarded with snuggling and physical affection. The more children were praised and encouraged, the more they were motivated further to learn about the facts of life. Children, however, were praised for any good deed, such as showing patience or self-control.

Children in biblical times were caught being good. This means that behavior that was unwanted was either left go, or in the case of crying or upset, reassured. Children then were known as having a mischevious nature, and childhood mischief was something the mother and father both laughed about, then cleaned up themselves later, not even demanding that children clean up their own mess. But, when children wanted to help out with the cleaning in the house, parents praised children lavishly and encouragingly. Most childhood mischief is developmentally appropriate behavior, and thus children will grow out of certain unwanted behaviors in due time.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!