Child discipline: How to discipline your child (without punishment or force)

Many parents believe that children need discipline. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most Americans oppose attachment parenting because it lacks discipline. The fact of the matter is that Christian attachment parenting involves discipline coming from fathers. Mothers nurture from up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. A father's discipline is the nurturing variety, not the punishing variety.

A father's discipline is mentioned in the Christian doctrine of mutual submission in the Bible. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parent are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and is to submit as such. This surrender to parents came with strings attached on the part of parents, with children issuing righteous demands to parents, in most cases when parents weren't pulling their weight.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses perceived by a child, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians at the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with women, but he sure loved children, and took in orphaned children. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. When children were caught emulating the Christian example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when their father caught them being good, and girls were given snuggles and physical affection when their father caught them being good. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only offer advice when needed, or else counsel their children when upset. Otherwise, children held divine authority over their parents, and issued lawfully binding orders to parents from their place of rest.

Christian discipline, as a part of Christian attachment parenting, predates punitive discipline by thousands of years. In the Early Church, parents taught good behavior in children by modeling good behavior in their Christian example, then encouraging their Christian example in children. A good Christian example involves being fully convicted that you are a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing. This attitude forces the Christian to be grateful of absolutely everything. Children are watching your every move, and when you catch children copying your Christian example, be sure to praise and encourage them. The good behavior should show itself in increments, in which case each increment is deserving of praise and accolades from fathers in particular.

What motivates a child to follow the Christian example of parents? The fact of the matter is that a secure attachment motivates a child to follow the example of parents on their own, with the secure attachment being for the mother first, and the father second. For the first 6 years of a child's life. children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever a child cried, mothers would coo at the child before picking them up, and holding the child to their bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When out and about in public, mothers swaddled their young children - under age 6 - next to her bosom in constant skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When children cried in public, it was a silent cry, and mothers simply held the child closer. Milk-dependent children usually needed to be breastfed to sleep, whether they were at home with mom, or out and about with mom.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers, when children turned 6, left a Bible out for the child to explore and peruse. When children were caught looking at the Bible, they were praised and encourage with phrases such as "that book is good for you". Children, from there, discussed the Bible with their fathers, eager to learn, with fathers giving pointers on the context. Children also learned a lot from their father's example. The example of fathers, mixed with the Bible left out by fathers, gave children discipline. Discipline is good and necessary for children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices. Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!