Strictness in Christian homes: Why strict attitudes in children come from within (not from without)

Many parents want children to have a strict upbringing. Ultimately, what this boils down to is strict attitudes in children. Children are capable of forming strict attitudes. However, the WRONG way to teach strictness is being strict with a child. Children need to learn to be strict with themselves, and being strict with children actually hampers with that. 

The idea of strict attitudes in children take place within the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This word commands that the child be allowed to rest securely, but the child could expect things in return from their parents, as this word denotes surrender to parents with strings attached for the parents to heed warning to.

The Greek root word translated "provoke..to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers did, in fact, use the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught following the disciplined example of parents, they were given lavish praise and encouragement from fathers in the form of "I see you" sportscasting statements. Boys were given manly praise when caught being good, and girls were given snuggles when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only offer advice, or else counsel their children when they were crying or upset. Otherwise, children held divine authority over parents, and issued righteous demands. A parent could not issue righteous demands in return.

Strictness is important in parenting. However, truly strict attitudes come from within. Strictness here involves the parent modeling peaceable and orderly behavior, for the child to follow. Children in biblical times were taught by example to be strict with themselves. The key to strictness is the parent coming to the knowledge and conviction that they are a depraved and entitled sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing. This attitude adjustment forces the Christian parent to be grateful for absolutely everything. When you catch your child emulating a peaceable and orderly example such as this, don't forget to praise and encourage them in their pursuit for good values. Also, leave a Bible out for them to further internalize for them the straight path. Praise them the moment you catch them reading Scripture.

This strictness has to be motivated by something, and that something is a secure attachment. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mothers and children were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers swooped in and cooed, then diagnosing the need of the child, reassuring and validating those needs in the process. 

This abovementioned nurturing is what prepared children to take up a strict attitude later. This strict attitude was guided partially by self-study of the Bible, and then the strict example of fathers in particular. The secure attachment to mothers prepared children for secure attachment to their father. Mothers nurtured up close. Fathers nurtured from afar, in a teaching way that encouraged good values in children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!