Righteous parent abuse: How to deal with oppositional-defiant disorder in children

Oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD) is a mental health disorder in children where children behave in an oppositional and defiant way towards adults. In almost every case of ODD, children have a primary mental health diagnosis that leads to them being diagnosed with ODD as a secondary or tertiary disorder, with the primary disorder, in most cases, being autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. 

I myself could have fit the diagnostic criteria of ODD to a T, but my developmental pediatrician did not diagnose me due to the stigma of the label. Lithium treatment for bipolar disorder is ultimately put an end to my ODD symptoms. But, before then, there was no getting through to me at all, over any behavior I exhibited. Everyone blamed the autism, when in fact the behaviors were manifestations of ODD associated with childhood bipolar disorder. 

The way to deal with ODD in children is righteous parent abuse. Sometimes, in the context of mutual submission, a parent has to take abuse from their child, and that's an order coming from the child. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Indeed, the scourge of cords was used on children by Greco-Roman parents, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians shunned the use of the scourge of cords in its entirety. 

The key to dealing with ODD in children involves giving up the fight, then giving in to the demands of children. A demand, coming from a child, is a righteous demand. Parents, in the Early Christian context, had to obey orders from their child, with few exceptions. The only time parents could righteously disobey their child was when the orders given were either unlawful and/or unworkable. 

Older children sometimes struck their parents out of anger and frustration, and sometimes even beat up their parents entirely. The only way parents were allowed to defend themselves was with tears or shrieks of vulnerability. It was feigned tears usually, with the parent saying in a shrieking voice "you hurt me, you hurt me" or a similar statement of vulnerability. This vulnerable reaction on the part of a parent deterred future striking out on the part of the child. When a child is striking out, they just want to be heard. Feigned crying helps model to children better ways of being listened to, meaning the lesson that hitting parents won't get you the reaction you want.

Young children under age 6 sometimes refused closeness with mothers. These children were referred to as stand-beside-me children. Such children rebelled from early on, starting with squirming away from the embrace of mothers, and showing aggression towards parents. The only limit of mothers was to stay beside her. Most of these children had ODD. Stand-beside-me children were seen as the most honorable of all children.

Most children in biblical times had at least traits of ODD. In most cases, the ODD rebellion came out once the child attained the age of 6, and wanted to shake free from their parents a bit, in a way that prepared the child for adulthood. It was during this time period that children would strike out against parents, and the parent would show vulnerability to deter future violent outbursts. Children would issue righteous demands on their parents, and their parents sometimes struggled to compromise in a way that would make things work and please the child. If there was any room for compromise, parents were commanded under customary law to go on that compromise.  

Today, ODD is usually secondary to another disorder. Most of the time, the primary diagnosis is autism, bipolar disorder, and/or ADHD. In most cases, medication of the right type and dosage takes away the ODD symptoms. Some cases are medication resistant, however, and thus the child chronically cannot learn from their mistakes. ODD involves a child feeling controlled by adults, and usually, there are plenty of adults in their lives trying to control them. If you just give up the fight, and give into the demands of the child, you may find that the child isn't asking for much - you could become the safe person of a troubled child!

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!