"Be grateful": Why to model gratitude instead of demanding it

Many parents have said these two words before - "be grateful". Gratitude is something many American parents insist upon. However, few of these parents are actually grateful themselves for their child. Most American parents don't show gratitude for their child until their child is abducted and/or killed. The fact of the matter is that the chastening of the Lord, in and of itself, leads to gratitude, and this form of chastisement can be modeled to children.

Gratitude can be taught using the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That is may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Indeed, parents in Greco-Roman society used the scourge of cords on their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians shunned the scourge of cords as a form of child punishment.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything. coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, instead of caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught emulating the grateful example of their parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with "I see you" statements. Boys were given manly praise and encouragement when caught being good, and girls were given snuggles when they were caught being good. Fathers chastened up children in this encouraging way. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only give advice to children when they needed it, or counsel children when they were crying or upset. Otherwise, parents were under the divine authority of their children,

Gratitude is something to model to children, and that means YOU as a parent should be grateful first. The road to gratitude is coming to the conviction and knowledge that YOU are a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, not even anything you already have. This forces the person to become grateful for everything around them. Children can pick up on that grateful attitude real fast, and then they end up copying your example. When you see them doing this, take time to reward them with praise and encouragement.

How do you motivate a child to follow in the footsteps of parents? Children need a secure attachment with a parent in order to copy their example. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers swooped in to reassure the child, cooing and picking up the child in skin-on-skin format, then holding the child close to the bosom of mothers in mammary closeness. Children cannot be expected to learn gratitude until they are teenagers or young adults, when they are old enough to internalize the grateful example of parents.

It is not acceptable to say "be grateful" to a child. If you want them to learn to be grateful, you ought to first learn gratitude yourself. Gratitude and fits of anger come from a deserving attitude, where you feel that you are deserving of things just for existing. YOU, dear parents, are depraved and decadent sinners who are deserving of absolutely nothing. Thus, you are to be grateful for everything coming your way, without any whim or complaint. True gratitude is not effusive or emotional in nature, but is stoic and calm in nature, at peace with the world, in the here and now. 

Gratitude for parents was expressed first in a child in a single event. When children attained the age of majority in the Early Church, they bowed down and surrendered to parents come their baptism, The idea behind honoring parents in the Bible is giving them due thanks for all the fond memories of being pampered. If you weren't pampered as a child, you could shun your parents, and even take them before the council to face excommunication from the Early Christian Churches of God. This thanksgiving came in the form of caring for parents. The idea was that while the child was still living with parents, the parents warmly took care of their children. This paved the way for children to thank their parents by caring for them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath using punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!