Child punishment: Why not to punish your child (and what to do instead)

Many parents still punish their children. Most American parents think that it is "imperative" that parents punish their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the Bible is clear that punishing a child is morally wrong and unlawful under God's Law. Therefore, what should a parent do instead of punish their children? This article speaks of alternative discipline techniques for parents to use.

The doctrine of mutual submission is the guiding principle for Christian parenting, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the parents. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This form of surrender to parents can come with strings attached for the parent, meaning children can expect due pence in return for their surrender by giving orders to parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords on their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians shunned the use of the scourge of cords, and were attachment parents towards their children.

What is there to do instead of punishment? The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, and then their children followed in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught emulating the disciplined example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with "I see you" statements. Boys were given manly praise from their fathers when caught being good, and girls were given snuggles from their fathers when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only give advice to their children when needed, or else counsel their children when they are upset. Otherwise, children held divine authority over parents.

Children do need discipline, but they don't need discipline imposed on them. True discipline in children comes from within, not from without. Children are capable of self-improvement almost entirely on their own, albeit with a sturdy Christian example to emulate. Once you catch your child copying your disciplined example, take the time to encourage that good behavior in them. This praise and encouragement then motivates further progress in children.

There is only one way to motivate a child to have discipline, and that is a secure attachment with the mother, with this secure attachment reflecting in relation to the father. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. When children cried, mothers rushed in and cooed, before diagnosing the need. Many times, all the child really needed was skin-on-skin time with mom. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, and did so until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

The abovementioned intense closeness, during the first 6 years, prepared children for absorbing the disciplined example of fathers especially. Children gradually developed the chastened up attitude of their fathers. This involved children, at their own pace, absorbing the disciplined example of fathers. This process is hastened when a Bible is left out for the child to discover and study on their own. When catching your child being good in any way, reward them with praise and encouragement. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!