Independence: Why the goal of every parent is independence (not blind obedience)

Many parents want their children to obey them. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want their children to blindly obey them. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible prescribes that the main goal of parenting be independence and self-reliance. With that said, the key to healthy independence in children is healthy dependence.

Healthy dependence is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, where children rest securely in the loving arms of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Christian parents in the Early Church wanted their children to grow up to be as independent as possible. But, in order for children to embrace healthy independence, they need to embrace healthy dependence. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did her child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mothers and children were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. When children cried, mothers picked up the child in skin-on-skin format, then holding the child close to her bosom in mammary closeness. Come nightfall, children retreated to the sustaining warmth of mothers in the form of skin-on-skin co-sleeping. This co-sleeping next to mothers ended for the child once the child reached the onset of puberty, when children wanted a place to sleep on their own. For some reason, sustaining warmth during the first 6 years breeds resiliency in children, so that they may become tough and self-reliant as adults.

In most cases, when children turned age 6, children started to shake off the sustaining warmth of mothers by insisting on doing everything by themselves. Older children played freely, venturing farther and farther from home. Children, in this stage of childhood, ordered parents around, with their parents being in full and dutiful submission to their children. Children continued to retreat to their mothers come nightfall, until they shook off their parents entirely at puberty. Co-sleeping was the last thing a child gave up. Independence, from there, was bittersweet for mothers, and exciting for fathers. Mothers nurtured children up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. Fathers honed in on their nurturing insticts by indulging in masturbatory fantasy about their growing daughters, which centered the parent attraction, with the parent attraction coming out as a male nurturing instinct.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!