"Benign" deprivation: Why every need of a child matters

Many parents today buy into the concept of "benign" deprivation. Most child abuse in the United States is based off of the concept of "benign" deprivation. "Benign" deprivation is understood as not responding to a child's every cry for a need, therefore "saving the parent's energy" for "real needs". However, mothers in biblical times met the every need of children.

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children into the anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking  - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings.

"Benign" deprivation is when you deprive a child of a need considered by the parent to be "invalid" to save the parents' energy for "valid" needs. This form of parenting is alien to the Bible and its context. Mothers in the Early Church tended to the every vulnerable need of children. Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed and then rushed to reassure the crying child. Mothers responded the EVERY need of children.

Children under age 6 suffered from separation anxiety, meaning young children morbidly feared their mothers would "go away and never come back". Mothers reassured the child by cooing and picking up the child, then holding children close to her bosom in mammary closeness. Both mother and child were in a state of birth nudity, where mother and child were at home, in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. This birth nudity setup is what brought out the raw separation anxiety. Most crying in young children that appears to have no reason actually does - they need the sustaining warmth of mothers.

Children never cry to manipulate you or undermine you as a parent. Crying is how children communicate a need. Thus, children should be allowed to cry, in order to petition parents for vulnerable needs. Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these is attachment!

I myself was abused in the name of "benign deprivation". My father took the advice of "benign" deprivation from authoritative parenting guru John Rosemond. I was regularly given time-out by both my parents, with my father also imposing an occasional disciplinary spanking of only a few swats to a clothed bottom. The main context where I was deprived was when out and about in public. In the store, I was deprived of what I wanted from the shelf. All I wanted was what I asked for initially. There is one memorable incident where I was slapped in the face for my reaction to the word "no" in a grocery store.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!