Separation anxiety: What to do if your child seemingly "cries out of nowhere"

Many people think that a child crying "out of nowhere" is being oppositional and defiant, and "needs punishment". Most parents punish random crying, thinking that it is defiance. This is the attitude of most American parents. The fact of the matter is that children always cry for a reason, and that reason always is communication of a need. Sometimes, that need is YOU, meaning children have a pro-social reason for crying at random.

Separation anxiety is properly dealt with using righteous reassurance. Righteous reassurance is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul as lifting up the customary law commanding a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with kidnapping being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Children cry for a variety of reasons. But, when they cry for seemingly no reason, they are crying for a reason nonetheless. Usually, they are crying due to separation anxiety, which is a normal developmental trait for children aged 0-6. Most children that age are afraid of mom "going away and never coming back". The ancients in the Early Church had a solution for that problem - always be with your child.

Children in biblical times, for the first 6 years, were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. Mothers never left their child's line of sight for those first 6 years. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning mothers and children were naked next to each other, in skin-on-skin format. This constant skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy brought out the raw separation anxiety in children. Mothers reassured this separation anxiety by cooing and then picking up the child, then co-snuggling with the child in skin-on-skin format. Mothers kept young children safe in public by swaddling them next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with children crying silently. Mothers then held them closer and possibly breastfed their child in public.

Children usually cry out of nowhere because they need attention. Loving attention isn't a "want", but a need. Punishments such as spanking and time-out don't meet that need. They don't need a belt or an open hand to the buttocks. They need YOU! They are basically afraid of you dying, without knowing what death is. Isn't that a pro-social worry for a child to have? Children don't randomly cry in order to defy parents. 

Even with babies, the baby wants to be held because of separation anxiety. Babies and young children have a natural instinct that activates when they can't find their attachment figure, usually their mother. The "come back" cry, when allowed to the fullest, is a deathly cry that no decent mother could ignore. The problem is that many parents punish cries of separation anxiety, and so the cry only comes out every once and a while. The actual cry of separation anxiety is deathly, and a nurturant, attuned mother in touch with her intuition would recognize it immediately. 

It is recommended that the woman of the house quit her job once she becomes pregnant, and continue not working for 6 years while getting the child on his/her feet. Most women did not work in biblical times, as her purview was the children, and caring for them. Women in biblical times didn't feel oppressed by men because of that, because they loved their children more than anyone else in the world, and because they were well fed and taken care of by their husbands. The fact of the matter is that a child needs his/her mother, and they need mom now. When you go away for an 8-hour shift, they may end up thinking that you'll never come back. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!