Respect: Why respect is earned for parents in Christian homes

Many parents feel that they are entitled to respect, just for being parents. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel that they are deserving of respect just for existing as a child's parent. However, the fact of the matter is that everything in life is earned, including in parenting.

Respect for parents was earned in biblical times as part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment came from parent submission, where parents submitted to children while expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Respect for parents is a commandment for children, but only once they leave the house. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times for dependent children, but only in the form of closeness to, and fondness for, parents. Children listened to parents in biblical times more than they did today, and that is because they were given everything that they needed. 

Children, during the first 6 years of life, were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning mother and child were next to each other in the nude, in skin-on-skin format. When children cried, mothers cooed and reassured the child of their presence. Many times, children under age 6 had separation anxiety, meaning they were naturally afraid that mothers would "go away and not come back". Mothers responded to the every cry of children by reassuring them of their sustaining warmth and presence. Children, when out and about, were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Older children played freely, venturing farther and farther away from home, then retreating to the sustaining warmth of mothers through co-sleeping. Co-sleeping usually ended at the onset of puberty, when the child wanted a place of their own to sleep.

All of this sustaining warmth and freedom in childhood won over the respect of children once they were ready to leave the house, which was when children were supposed to submit to parents. Adult children gave thanks to parents for being pampered and coddled as children. The degree that the adult children respected their parents and obeyed them showed the parents what kind of a job they did as parents. First, parents pampered and coddled their children to win over their respect, and then children submitted to their parents once they were baptized and found a place of their own to live. Some children shunned their parents or even had them excommunicated from the church, in which case such parents abused their children. However, child abuse was rare in the biblical context. Most adult children living on their own respected their parents, and revered them for pampering and coddling them as they did.

The commandment to honor parents refers mainly to earned honor, not honor that comes in the form of an entitled demand. The bare minimum respect that must be shown to parents by all independent adult children is not beating them, not cursing them with gaslighting, and not committing crimes in their name. Other than that, adults living on their own are free to respect their parents to the degree that they deserve respect. Respect for parents is thanksgiving for a good and pleasant childhood.

Dear parents, YOU are depraved and decadent sinners deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children and the God that protects them. Not even basic respect. Not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. All respect and honor is to be earned. No adult truly means well in relation to children, but adults can earn their keep by taking an undeserving attitude towards children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wratb forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!