Gratitude: How to teach gratitude to children (without punishment or force)

Many parents want to teach the lesson of gratitude to children. This is a common lesson that most American parents want their children to know. Gratitude is not just happiness, but happiness in what you already have, knowing you are deserving of absolutely none of it. The first step for your child to understand gratitude is for YOU to understand gratitude, and that means take an undeserving attitude in view of your child.

True gratitude is not effusive or emotional. True gratitude is disciplined to the core. The path to gratitude is paved with Christian discipline. Thus, in order to model gratitude to children, you need to model Christian discipline to children. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul as lifting up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul was the head of a group of deacons who went on child protection missions, also known as "child saviors". "Child saviors" were non-contact pedophiles appointed to the position of deacon in the Early Church. Paul took in a few children himself who were orphaned. 

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlements in view of their children, and then their children followed suit. Children were caught being good, instead of being caught being bad. When children emulated the disciplined and grateful example of parents, they were rewarded with lavish praise and encouragement. When children were caught doing things such as showing self-control or giving up something they really wanted, they were encouraged by their father to "keep going down the straight path"

Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. Entitlement, meaning usually anger, comes from a deserving place in one's sinful heart. The key to gratitude, and then to happiness, is having an attitude adjustment where you are convicted of the knowledge that you are a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing. When you come to the knowledge that you are deserving of absolutely nothing due to your moral defects, you become grateful for absolutely all matter around you. When children see you do this mental work, they too will seek to be grateful in the same way that you came to be grateful.

Gratitude is a form of Christian mindfulness, where the brain is in a constant mindful state, with the mind being centered on the undeserving attitude of the Christian. You end up focusing on what you already have, instead of what you want. Gratitude, when practiced properly, leads to silence, especially when the Christian takes an undeserving attitude towards speech. Silence is golden. 

Children do not learn by being told what to do, but by seeing things done by their parents. Gratitude, as a lesson, is no exception. Thus, in order to have a grateful child, YOU need to become grateful. YOU, dear parents, are depraved and decadent sinners who are deserving of nothing but DEATH and PUNISHMENT merely for existing in relation to children and the God that protects them. YOU are deserving of absolutely nothing just for existing and making babies. Everything you want from your child you have to earn.

How will a child be convicted of the teaching of gratitude? Children need a secure attachment to their parents, meaning primarily their mothers, and secondarily their fathers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. Mother and child were in a state of birth nudity, where mothers and children were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. This brought out raw separation anxiety in children, which the mother accommodated by constantly reassuring the child of her presence. When the child's needs were met in this way in their formative years,  led to children following the grateful example of parents. Older children between the ages of 6-13 were more disciplined when out and about, meaning they rarely cried, and instead issued righteous demands on parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!