Righteous closeness: Why parents are to seek closeness with their children (not obedience)

Many parents think that the point of parenting is to get children to obey. This leads to parents using punitive measures. Most American parents use punitive measures in parenting. This simply creates a break in the parent-child relationship. The fact of the matter is that God's Law prescribes righteous closeness, not righteous punishment. Closeness during the child's first 6 years leads to children honoring their parents later in life.

The acronym of righteous closeness is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment lifts up in biblical times that commands a secure attachment in the family home between parent and child.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Righteous closeness means parents are to seek closeness with their children, especially during the first 6 years of the child's life. For the first 6 years of a child's life, mothers were in constant closeness to their children, meaning that wherever the mother went, the child went with her. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, with mothers and children in the nude next to each other in the family home, in skin-on-skin format. Children, when milk-hungry, would suckle the teat of their mothers. Children, when out and about in public, were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with mothers breastfeeding in public if summoned to by her child.

Closeness during a child's formative years is crucial to having children honor you as a parent. Except in rare cases of elder abuse by independent adult children, respect and honor for parents is earned. The way to earn that honor from your child is to seek closeness with them. When you hold space for closeness with your child during the first 6 years of a child's life, your child will honor you and take care of you the same way when you are old and gray. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!