Change of heart: How to effect a change of heart in children (without punishment or force)

Many parents want a change of heart in their children, whether they say they do or not. Change of heart is a part of our nation's Christian heritage, and will always be a guiding tenet for our Christian society. Sadly, the only way many parents feel comfortable effecting a change of heart in a child is punishment and controlling demeanor, such as spanking and corporal punishment. The idea of many so-called "Christian" parents is to break the will of the child through corporal punishment. The fact of the matter, however, is that a change of heart can be effected through attachment parenting.

A change of heart in a child is effected through the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to anger: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended to lift up the customary law that commanded a secure attachment in the family home between parent and child. This secure attachment came from parent submission, where parents expected absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law with the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following suit. Children were caught being good then, and not caught being bad. When a child was caught emulating the disciplined example of parents - such as showing self-control or accepting the word "no" - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep going down the straight path". Sometimes, you have to give your child direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to direct parental instruction. Parents could not issue lawfully binding orders towards dependent children, and so they pleaded with children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, knowing they would get nothing in return. Parents asked politely and humbly for favors from their children, from the bottom of their heart, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Most children did listen to parents, out of a secure attachment formed between parent and child.

What motivated children to follow the example of parents? Christian parents in biblical times sought a secure attachment with their children. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning mothers and children were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin format. When children cried, mothers cooed and picked up the child, then co-snuggling with the child in skin-on-skin format, reassuring the child's separation anxiety. When out and about, young children - under age 6 - were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with mothers perhaps breastfeeding in public if summoned to by their child. This closeness during the formative years set the stage for children to heed the Christian example of their parents, and have a change of their heart of their own. Usually, children showed discipline in the latter years of childhood. However, young children under age 6 showed separation anxiety towards their mothers by crying constantly, and thus mothers reassured children of their presence with sustaining warmth and comfort. This sustaining warmth invited children to absorb the disciplined example of parents. 

Change of heart in your children starts with change of heart in yourself. This means declaring yourself a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, thus turning yourself in to God. When you come to the conviction that you are deserving of absolutely nothing, you deprive yourself of the right to demand things from others. You cease to want what you are pining for, and then the anger subsides. This means taking an undeserving attitude towards your child as well, as you are deserving of absolutely nothing from your child. Children will then copy your good work on yourself, and have a change of heart.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!