Change of heart: How to effect a change of heart in a child (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have a change of heart, whether they put it into those words or not. Most parents want their children to have a change of heart. This country was founded on the concept of a change of heart. Change of heart is the Christian belief that people can change, and that people can change for the better. The fact of the matter is that children are capable of self-improvement, all on their own, with loving support from parents.

Change of heart, in a child, takes place within the context of the application of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: as this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of parent submission. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Chistian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the Ephesian church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. 

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything. Christian parents in the Early Church worked on centering their entitlement, and then their children followed suit. Children were caught being good in the Early Church, instead of being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught emulating the disciplined example of parents - perhaps showing self-control or giving up something they really wanted - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep going down the right path". Sometimes, parents needed to give children direct instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to parental instruction. Parents could not issue lawful orders towards children, and so they had to plead with their children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, knowing they'd get nothing in return. Parents asked things of their children politely, from the bottom of their heart, saying "please" and "thank you" in the process. 

The Christian change of heart in children has to be motivated by something, and that motivation comes from a secure attachment. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning both mother and child were next to each other in the nude, with the mother breastfeeding her child when the child was milk-hungry. When out and about, the young child was swaddled next to the mother's bosom in swaddling blankets. Children, after age 6, played freely outside, then retreating once more to the sustaining warmth of mothers, in the form of skin-on-skin co-sleeping. At the onset of puberty, children outgrew co-sleeping with mom, and wanted a place of their own to sleep. It is this sort of warmth and attachment that motivates a child to take up the example of a parent.

Children, like all people, have a depraved and entitled sinful nature. But, it is a myth that children aren't capable of self-improvement. Children are definitely capable of self-improvement. They are, in the modern world, capable of self-improvement just like they were in biblical times. Children naturally absorb the Christian example of their parents, and the example sinks in more and more as they get older. What enhances this exemplary learning in children is a secure attachment, first with the mother, and then with the father based on the child's early experiences with mom. Children can do something to improve themselves, and once they do that on their own. parents should lovingly encourage them to keep down the straight path. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!