Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents think that they are deserving of respect from children from day one. This is a common form of parental entitlement on the part of parents. However, the fact of the matter is that all respect and honor of parents comes from one place - a secure attachment between parent and children.

God's Word reads in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment was directed towards an adult audience. The commandment to honor parents was understood simply an obligation to care for aging parents. In order to earn care from your child, you need to form a secure attachment from children from early on, preferably from day one. From there, children gave back to their parents once they got older. However, Christian teaching allows for survivors of parents to disown their parent.

Honoring parents is the positive consequence of forming a mutual submission with a child, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, giving to children without receiving, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking  - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children were the ones honored first in biblical times, with children growing up to give back to parents in some way. Adult descendants of parents usually honored their parents by caring for them as they age. I myself have made peace with my abusive parents, and give back to my mother by paying the restaurant bill. However, I could shun her if she defended her abuse of me in open court. I still remember being sat down in time-out, and I remind her of how I feel whenever the topic comes up.

Until children reached adulthood, children were in constant closeness with mothers until age 6. After age 6, children engaged in wet and messy play. Parents did not see this sort of play as a form of usurping the parental role. Parents simply cleaned up the mess when the child got home, cleaning up the child with a handrag. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!