Toughening up children: How to toughen up children without punishing them

Many of us conservatives today note the sharp decline in toughness among the younger generation. Many of my liberal friends at the children's rights movement would disagree, but I think we are raising a generation of wusses. But, that's what punitive authoritative parenting does to you. I was once that easily offended Millennial, and I credit my parent trauma largely for my entitled attitude. How can you toughen up your child so that they don't become one of the many getting offended by absolutely everything like a chicken with its head cut off. Christian attachment parenting has just the right tools for a parent who wants to pass down their family values, but do so gently. 

What toughens up children is attachment, with the right example. This exists within the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convicts a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The standard of Christian discipline in the Bible is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church sought to center their entitlement in relation to their children, and then children followed suit to center their entitlement. When children were caught centering their own entitlement, they were praised lavishly and encouragingly by their fathers, as a due reward for their hard work on their own sin natures, with fathers saying "keep on going down the right path". Children were caught being good in biblical times, instead of being bad. When a child acted in a centered manner, or gave up something they wanted, they were immediately praised for their hard work combatting their sin nature by their fathers, and that encouraged more hard work. Sometimes, children needed direct instruction from parents. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to direct instruction from parents. Instruction from parents was not legally binding, as parents had no legal authority to sue their children, with children having that authority in the reverse. Parents instead asked things from their children, from the bottom of their heart, hoping children would listen because they trusted their parents, out of the secure attachment that all Christian parents in the Early Church strived for in their children.

Children are born sinful. This is a fact of life. But, it is up to children to work on that sinful nature. Sin cannot be beaten out of a child. It is a myth that a sinful nature is deserving of PARENTAL punishment. A child's sinful nature is something that is between that child and God, and up to the child to reform, with the support of both parents and extended family. All a sin nature entails is flaws, and children have plenty of flaws to work on. The key for a parent of a sin-affected child is to love them FOR their sin nature, not despite it, just as Christ love His children in order to sanctify them - parents sanctify their children, including non-believing children. This means forgiveness for mistakes made by children, and a parent is to forgive every mistake made by a child, as children are not subject to the Law - they are simply learning it. Even God spares His punishment for children that pass away.

Something has to motivate self-improvement in children, and that thing is a secure, loving attachment with parents. Children up until age 6 were in constant closeness to mothers, with children never leaving the side of mothers when at home. Birth nudity was practiced by the Early Christians, with both child and mother being naked in the family home, with this making it easier for mothers to engage in skin-on-skin closeness with children. Mothers, when out and about, wrapped up their young children in swaddling blankets, perhaps breastfeeding them in public if the child was milk-hungry. When children reached approximately age 6, they started squirming out of the arms of mothers, venturing places far from home, playing outside with neighborhood children, but then retreating to mothers once more in the form of co-sleeping. Co-sleeping generally lasted until puberty, when children wanted their own space to sleep. When children have this level of closenesss and sustaning warmth with parents, they naturally will follow the disciplined example of parents. 

Children can toughen up themselves. Just give them a toughened up example. This means YOU as a parent need to declare yourself a depraved and decadent sinner just for existing in relation to your child, knowing that you are deserving of absolutely nothing from your child. When you come to the conviction that you are deserving of absolutely nothing from your child, you become grateful for the every joy that child gives you. Parent anger comes from a deserving place in the sin nature of adult-kind, and thus the more you feel that you deserve from your child, the more angry entitlement you impose on your child. True parenting is not motivated by anger, but by worry and concern. Disciplining yourself in relation to your children makes you a disciplined person overall. It also leads to children taking up self-improvement and personal responsibility in the same way. Discipline begets discipline, but only when modeled in the context of a secure attachment.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!