The Fifth Commandment: Understanding honoring parents in context

Many parents demand respect from their children. Most American parents think that they are entitled to respect from their children. Many parents enforce their want to be respected with punishment. The fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment means do not dishonor your parents, meaning do not commit clear and deliberate acts of elder abuse against them.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment, in context, refers to clear and deliberate elder abuse. "Do not strike your parents" means do not repeatedly beat your parents (see Exod. 21:15). "Do not curse your parents" means do not impose airborne gaslighting onto your parents to send them places (see Lev. 20:9). The legal concept of a "stubborn and rebellious child" refers to dishonoring one's mother through criminal acts that reflect on her (see Deut. 21:18-21). In biblical times, these laws were necessary because elder abuse was rampant. Adult children living away from home would pay unwelcome visits to their parents, and abuse them, and before these laws were put into place, the excuse for elder abusers was "they must have learned that behavior somewhere". The parent protection laws protect parents from the worst of elder abuse. "Dishonoring parents" in both the Old and New Testaments refers to clear and deliberate acts of elder abuse, committed by an adult child living away from home. Otherwise, it simply refers to moral crimes committed as they reflect on an adult child's home. Apart from that, parents only have protection under the secular law, and children should observe the secular law in how they treat their parents.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punish their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of offensive touch or speech stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, held lawful authority over their parents. Children could legally sue their parents, even for the word "no" when the child deemed that word to be unfair. Parents, under the Law, could only use the word "no" when declining an order due to said order being unworkable or immoral. Otherwise, parents had to obey orders issued by their children. Parents could not issue orders of their own, and could not sue their own children. If a parent took their child to court in the Early Church, the church elders forced the parents, every time, to apologize to the child for speaking against them, and to the court for wasting its time. Parents pleaded with their children, asking for things from them politely, from the bottom of their hearts. Children usually followed the requests of parents, as they trusted in their parents.

Simply talking back to parents was not seen as dishonoring them. Dishonoring parents, as a term, refers to clear and deliberate elder abuse, meaning beating and gaslighting parents to get them to do things for you. The Fifth Commandment, apart from banning these things, appointed parents as the God-ordained head of children. Being the head of children means being charitable and generous as a parent, not punitive and dictatorial. 

Parents are mere caregivers of children, not lawgivers or lawmakers. Parent headship means taking care of a child, not being in charge of the child. The child is instead in charge of you, and holds you to account when you make a mistake as a caregiver. Children are to demand how they want to be raised, and then the parent caregiver righteously caves to the child's demands. Ordering things from your parent is like ordering at a restaurant - you should expect decent service from your parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!