Discipline and limit setting in Christian homes: How to set boundaries with children (without spanking or punishment)

Many parents think that children should be disciplined sometimes as a part of them learning the boundaries. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents impose discipline onto children, instead of modeling it. The fact of the matter is that modeling djscipline to children is the way to set boundaries and teach them discipline.

True discipline takes place within the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from benearh yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. In the Early Christian church communities, parents worked on centering their entitlement by denying themselves of deservances, and children followed in their footsteps. Children, once caught emulating the disciplined example of parents, were lavishly encouraged by fathers to "keep going down the right path". Children in Early Christian culture were caught being good, instead of caught being bad, and thus every time a child showed discipline, such as showing composure or giving up something they really wanted, children were rewarded with lavish praise and encouragement. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers here to parental instruction. Parental instruction was not legally binding under the Law, and so parents had to ask politely things from children, from the bottom of their heart, hoping the child would cooperate on their own due to the secure attachment most parents in biblical times had with their children.

Children should not be expected to master discipline, meaning parents should not rush discipline in their children. Most childish and immature behavior in children is developmentally appropriate behavior, and is to either be let go or is reason to keep your child safe. Children will learn discipline later, entirely on their own, as long as they have a disciplined example. Children grow up entirely on their own, but with the assistance of the disciplined example of parents. Children copy the entitled traits in parents first, and so it is good for parents not to show any entitlement around or towards their children, as even showing entitlement towards your child teaches them to use their entitlement to solve problems. Children don't learn discipline by direct instruction, but by following a disciplined example. In most cases, children start becoming disciplined around age 6-7, all on their own, without punishment or direct instruction. 

Children have to want to follow your disciplined example. Mothers are to nurture children by providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. Mothers and children were completely naked in biblical times, and this was to enable easy skin-on-skin contact between mother and child, and hasten the bonding process between mother and child. Mothers, when out and about, wore a thin, revealing dress similar to an apron, and wrapped up their young children in swaddling blankets next to her bosom, perhaps allowing the child to suckle her teat if milk-hungry.

Children ruled the roost in biblical times. Children had the lawful authority to sue their parents if they felt they were being abused or mistreated in any way, by their perception, and parents could not take any legal action against their child. The every cry of a child was interpreted as lawful orders for the parents to obey, meaning the parent needed to respond to the every cry of their child, and do so with sustaining warmth. The application of the Law by the religious authorities, in both the Old and New Testaments, was decidedly in favor of the child. Parents were not to even speak against their children, lest they perjur themselves, as children were sacrosanct and could do no wrong, even if they did do things that were considered wrong.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is ar hand!