Change of heart: How to bring forth a change of heart in your child (without spanking or punishment)

Many parents want their children to have a change of heart. The concept of a change of heart is something that we as a society value in parenting, and what the left wants to erase. Most parents want to bring a change of heart in their children, but most parents want to do so using punishments such as corporal punishment. Most parents try to break the will of their children through corporal punishment, then treat them differently once they submit to the will of their parents. This is the wrong way to bring a change of heart in children. A change of heart in children starts with a change of heart in parents, meaning parents need to model self-improvement to children.

The concept of a change of heart takes place within the context of the Christian teaching of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after parents punished their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the church at Ephesus for bringing their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church worked to center their entitlement, and then children followed suit. When children were caught emulating the disciplined example of parents, children were praised and encouraged lavishly by fathers, being told "keep going down the right path". Children in biblical times were caught being good, meaning if they showed self-control or gave up something they really wanted, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep on doing things to center their entitlement. Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to direct instruction from parents. Parental instruction was not legally binding, with children being the ones lawfully authorized to issue orders. Thus, parents made requests from children, from the bottom of their heart, hoping that children would listen to them based on the secure attachment that all parents in biblical times strove for. 

Children are, in fact, sinful human beings, and this is not up for debate. However, that sinful nature is for children to work on, and not for parents to punish. Children are capable of self-improvement, but the route of self-improvement has to be modeled to children. When children see you declare yourself a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, your children will notice you doing that good work, and do that work on themselves. They may not learn discipline right away, but they will learn eventually, usually by the time they become teenagers. Children do not need parents to be strict on them, but instead need to be given the space to be strict with themselves.

The key to motivating children in honoring your example is to form a secure attachment with your child. Children, for the first 6 years of children, were in constant closeness to mothers. Wherever the mother went, the child went, with young children being wrapped up in swaddling blankets next to the bosom of mothers when mothers were out and about, with mothers breastfeeding in public if the child was milk-hungry. About when the child turned age 6, they squirmed out of the arms of mothers, venturing places far from home, playing outside with neighborhood friends, then retreating to the sustaining warmth of mothers once more, in the form of co-sleeping. Co-sleeping took place until the child reached the onset of puberty, when the child wanted a place to sleep for themselves. 

The concept of a change of heart is necessary in life. However, punishment is the wrong way to bring forth a change of heart in their children. The idea is for YOU to have a change of heart by seeking to improve yourself, and then your children should want to follow your example, at least eventually. If they don't want to follow your example at all, and grow up rejecting you, fault is on you as a parent for not forming a secure attachment with your child. Children naturally copy their parents. When parents declare themselves sinners deserving of absolutely nothing, children copy that as well.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!