Approval vs. rejection: Why respect for parents is not a Christian concept for children

Many parents think that their children should respect them. Most parents in America are Christian in terms of religious orientation, and the common misinterpretation of the Bible is that children must respect them. The fact of the matter is that, in a family home, respect for parents - in the reverent sense - is not a Christian concept. Mothers in the Early Church were more concerned with whether they gained approval from their children, with the rejection of their child seen as a sign of abuse.

Whether or not a child approved of or rejected their parents depended on a secure attachment, which is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of children in his writings.

Respect for parents was not a concept in Christian homes in the 1st Century. In the Early Christian church communities, parents instead wanted approval from their children. That kind of approval from children was an earned approval, through parents seeking to form a secure attachment with their children. Parents regarded themselves as the enemy of children, and then sought to atone for their sin nature by seeking to win over their children. Once parents were sensitive enough to their children, children gave parents their approval. Sometimes, children rejected their parents, and that something to be ashamed of in Christian culture in the 1st Century. Most adult bystanders thought that a child's rejection was a sign of child abuse, with child abuse being defined as whatever the child perceives as offensive or sexually prurient.

How did parents win over the approval of their children? Mothers in particular provided for children nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-on-skin comfort. Mothers and children went naked in the family home, with children being naked wherever they went. Child and motherly nudity in the family home made it easier for mothers to give children skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. Also, forming a secure attachment with children is easier when both mother and child are naked, as nudity of the mother and child bring parenting down to the natural level. Children were in constant skin-on-skin closeness with mothers until age 6, with children constanrly wanting to be picked up by parents. Around the time of the children's 6th birthday, children became more mobile, running around outside and playing with neighborhood children, but then retreating to the closeness of mothers. 

Parents were expected in the Early Christian culture to earn the approval of their children, not the reverse. Mothers especially wanted to be liked by their children. Thus, parents were very sensitive to the needs and wants of children, showing love and kindness to their children so that their children liked them. Children were not expected to respect their parents in any form. Parents had to respect them in order to gain approval of their children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!