Independence: Why independence is the true goal of Christian attachment parentinig

Many parents think that obedience is the goal of parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents strive for obedience in their children, even over independence. The fact of the matter is that the goal of raising children is to have them become as independent as possible. But, in order to have healthy independence, one must have healthy dependence.

Teaching and imparting skills of independence involves the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely fot things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Parents in biblical times wanted their children to be as independent as possible. However, in Christian attachment parenting in the 1st Century, this required healthy dependence. Mothers formed a secure attachment with their children, by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort.

During the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with their mothers, with mothers constantly holding their babies, and children then wanting to constantly be held. Mothers and children were both naked in the family home, with children being naked wherever they went up until adulthood. Around age 6, children started exploring and playing outside on their own, exploring the terrain, venturing further and further from home, then retreating to the sustaining warmth of mothers once more, with mothers serving as home base for children to recharge. Recharging was usually done through skin-on-skin co-sleeping, with both mothers and children sleeping in the nude. 

Independence comes from healthy dependence. Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transporation, and attachment - and attachment is the greatest of these needs! Meeting all of a child's needs, from day one, is how you prepare them for independence and adulthood. However, in order to meet all of a child's needs, you need to keep them in a dependent state until they find the wherewithal to assert their independence on their own, and shake off the sustaining closeness of mothers. 

Fathers played a pivotal role in nurturing independence into children. Mothers nurtured up close in the Early Church, and fathers nurtured from afar. Whenver a child showed boldness, this boldness was cultivated into independence, with the boldness being bold feats of independence. Fathers then praised these bold feats of independence. Boys were showered with praise such as "Good work withstanding all odds", and girls were showed physical affection by their fathers of the gentle and nurturing type. Usually, when a child was showing bold feats of independence, the mother called over the father and showed excitement, and then the father praised the child. Usually, the bold feats of independence culminated in a child wanting their own space to sleep once they hit puberty. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!