Discipline and limit setting: Why to encourage discipline in children (instead of discipline them)

Most parents want their children to learn discipline. This is a common desire amongst American parents. Most parents think that the only way to teach discipline is to impose limits and back them up with punishment. The fact of the matter is that children can be taught discipline without spanking or punishment.

Christian discipline can be modeled using the doctrine of mutual submssion. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the Sactifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments and controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quarterred slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the Ephesian church who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishment into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers, in the Hebraic context, to modeling Christian discipline. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the 1st Century worked on their entitlement and centered it, with their children following suit. When children started to emulate the disciplined example of children, they were lavishly praised and encouraged by Christian fathers. Sometimes, a child needs direct instruction on what parents want of them, and usually, this comes in the form of redirection to a better activity, or removal from an activity. This form of instruction was known in the Early Church as righteous warning. Righteous warning was only used in biblical times when the child was endangering themselves or others, spiritually or otherwise. A key time when righteous warning was invoked was when children were sexually active, usually towards parents. Boys who were sexually pestering their mothers were left out of closeness as a logical consequence until they learned to take the sexual desires for their mother elsewhere, meaning mothers - in a playful tone - redirected young boys to masturbatory fantasy about her, instead of grabbing at her breasts when he didn't want breastmilk. Righteous warning is denoted by the Greek root word "admonition", which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). When children cried as a result of righteous warning, they were comforted in skin-on-skin manner, and always were reassured with the phrase "this too will pass". 

Most childish or immature behaviors in children, in biblical times, was ignored. There was good reason why childish behaviors were ignorted by both fathers and mothers in biblical times. The fact of the matter is that parents knew, intuitively, that most childish and immature behaviors were actually developmentally appropriate behaviors given the child's age and developmental level. Most things children learn they learn by example, not direct instruction. But, children learned to be disciplined slowly, not as a growth spurt. Most children then were well-disciplined by the time they reached adulthood, which was age 13 under Early Christian church ordinance.

Children were in the providing custody of parents, primarily of their mother, secondarily of their father. Mothers formed a secure attachment to their children, and did so by way of providing for children nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. During the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to their children, starting with mothers holding their babies constantly, then children wanting to be held constantly, all in skin-on-skin format. Mothers and children were naked in the family home, with children being naked everywhere they went until adulthood. Around age 6, children started exploring the neighborhood, playing outside with neighborhood friends, exploring the terrain, venturing farther and farther from home (albeit after checking in with mom). Children formed a secure attachment to their father through their mother, learning how to relate to their father by how they relate to their mother, with fathers making themselves at home by way of indulging in masturbatory fantasy about their child (especially their daughters). Fathers were not allowed contact with their children except with their mother's express permission. 

The abovementioned context was the securely attached environment where children wanted to be like their parents. Boys gravitated towards their mothers. Girls gravitated towards their fathers. Children grow up entirely on their own, but follow the example of their preferred parent. So, be sure to discipline yourself, meaning declare yourself a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, leading to the sinner being grateful for everything. Be convicted of the Truth, and your child will follow, as the Truth is Christian discipline, and discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, and grateful for absolutely everything. Discipline is non-entitlement, and non-entitlement is discipline, and children will do the hard work themselves if you do the hard work first. And a secure attachment will motivate your child to do the hard work of discipline and non-entitlement. Be sure to reward self-improvement by way of praise and encouragement.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!