"Benign" deprivation: Why not to deprive your child of things they want

Many parents buy into authoritative parenting. Authoritative parenting is where children can petition parents for what they want, but parents ultimately are tbe ones deciding what children need, apart from the child's requests. Most authoritative parenting is practiced using time-out, and maybe the occasional disciplinary spanking. One aspect of authoritative parenting is "benign" deprivation, which is depriving children of wants and even needs. Authoritative parenting guru John Rosement states repeatedly that "children need most of what they need, and some of what they want". The fact of the matter is that children need ALL of what they need, with what they want generally being what they need. Children do NOT need to hear the word "no" except when "no" is the only answer to be given.

Giving children everything that they need is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! Children do, in fact, know what they need, but may not advocate it directly or civilly. They usually advocate a vulnerable need by wanting things. Each want of a child is reflective of a need. For example, when a child asks for things in the store, know that those things come from YOU, meaning they really need attachment. In the child's eyes, getting them what they want in the store is a sign of your love. If you are of low-income and honestly can't afford what they want, show them affection when they ask for what they want, meaning, most of the time, skin-on-skin comfort. But, if you can afford it, why not splurge for them? They are only little once.

Children, in biblical times, had lawful authority over their parents, and had the right to give orders as to what they needed, with this called righteous ordering then. The every cry of children was interpreted as a lawful order from children, leading to mothers in particular responding to the every cry of a child. In biblical times, children had an infantilized conditioning, meaning they cried whenever they wanted something, knowing that they'd get what they wanted most of the time. Under Christian law, parents were only allowed to say "no" if the child was asking for something completely unworkable or immoral, in which case they could refuse the law of their children. Children in the Early Church got most of what they wanted, and everything they needed, despite the average Christian being dirt poor.

"Benign" deprivation is not a biblical practice in parenting. The goal in parenting is to give children most of what they want, and all of what they need. Children do need stuff, because that stuff comes from YOU, and because it comes from YOU, it is a sign of your love. Most of the time, children don't ask for much. Maybe a toy they really want, and they are counting on you to grant them their wish. Saying "no" just for the sake of "no" an act of separation, not attachment. On one level, children truly want what they say they want, but on another level, that want is connected to attachment needs. So, why not splurge on toys and candy? They are only little once, so they should be treated with whatever they want, as long as it is workable and moral. 

Children got most of what they wanted in biblical times. Christian mothers in the 1st Century, despite being impoverished, did a lot for their children. When children were taken out and about, they could take any food they wanted from market, and mom would cook it for them if she had to. Christian parents then were seen by the church as bondservants to their children, working for a lump sum which was independence.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!