Change of heart: How to bring your child to a change of heart (without spanking or punishment)

Many parents want their children to have a change of heart. That is the number one reason why punitive parenting is defended the way it is today. Most parents who punish their children, including physically, are trying to bring their children to a change of heart. The fact of the matter is that it can be done without punitive parenting of any sort.

The concept of bringing a change of heart in a child is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission in parenting. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable exrensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the Ephesian church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. In biblical times, parents worked on their entitlement, with parents centering their entitlement, modeling Christian discipline and chastisement to children. Christian parents in biblical times caught their children being good, and then lavishly praised and encouraged self-improvement in children with phrases like "keep going down the right path". Parents caught children being good at the first sign that the child emulated their disciplined example. Parents sometimes had to give direct instructions to children. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to parental instruction. Parents could not issue lawful orders to their minor children, and so they requested things from children from the bottom of their heart, hoping their children would listen. When there was a secure attachment, which was the case most of the time, children listened automatically to parents, and also kept their disciplined example, especially later in childhood.

It is impossible to bring someone to a change of heart through punishment. The old idea is that children need to be broken down, usually by way of corporal punishment, until they are in tears, and then they can hear Christ's message of peace and forgiveness. The fact of the matter is that children do not learn through pain or being broken down, but by seeing their parents break themselves down and build themselves back up in self-improvement. 

Most children who have a secure attachment to parents want to be like their parents. Therefore, if they see their parents have a change of heart, they too will have a change of heart. Christian discipline, if experienced right, breaks you down, then builds you back up. Christian discipline takes everything you want away, then shows you what you already have. Children are capable of disciplining themselves in this way, especially as they get older. All you have to do is show them the way, and do so using your own example and encouragement.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!