Strictness and limit setting in Christian homes: Why children should be strict with themselves

Many parents think that children need parents to be strict on them. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think it is necessary to be strict with children. Strictness is not a bad thing, in and of itself. It just is a bad thing when imposed on children. Children need to learn to be strict with themselves. 

The doctrine of mutual submission is what teaches strictness to children. Being strict with a child will not instill strict attitudes into them. Children need a strict example in order to be strict with themselves when they are older. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with a promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and here refers not to forcing strictness on children, but encouraging strictness in children. The word refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline that is deserving of absolutely nothing, and grateful for absolutely everything. Parents in biblical times modeled this form of discipline to children, and lavishly praised and encouraged it every time they saw it. Children, due to the absence of punishment in Christian homes, wanted to please their parents, and thus conditioned themselves to have strict attitudes just like their parents. The Greek root word translated "admonition" in the Bible is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers not to punishment, but to the concept of pro-social redirection. That means that you only redirect children when they are getting into something unsafe or sinful, and if children have a secure attachment with you, they usually will listen. Sometimes, you need to pick up the little ones to keep them safe when they are endangering themselves or others.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Children in biblical times could be demanding at times, but only in the most vulnerable ways, meaning they cried a lot to indicate that they needed something, even when they were older. Other than that, children listened to the instructions of their father and mother, and did so out of vulnerable, restful trust in parents. Parents could set any limit, and the secure attachment backed it up. There was no need to be strict with children in biblical times, as children were strict with themselves, to the best of their ability given their age and development.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!