Hebrews 12:5-11: Why this isn't a pro-spanking passage

Many parents, at some level, have heard that Heb. 12:5-11 means that punishing children is an acceptable way to deal with their behaviors. This is a common belief and attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents are familiar with Heb. 12:5-11, and think it gives them the right to punish their children. The fact of the matter is that Heb. 12:5-11 does not even discuss parenting, let alone give parents the right to punish their children.

It says in Hebrews 12:5-11 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons, for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But, if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the father of Spirits and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but him for our profit, that we may be partakers in his holiness. Now no chastening seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigóo) and refers, in this Hebraic context, to the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, with the rod of correction consisting of a tree branch or switch applied to the bare back of men convicted of a capital offense under the Law of the Moses. The rod, in Jewish circles then and now, is symbolic for enduring hardship, with this figurative language being referred to as rod language. Enduring the 40 minus 1 lashes in the Old Testament was seen as a last chance at life. Doesn't all hardship allow you a second chance at life, once endured? That is the logic of rod language. God whips His children, like only He can. If you have ever found life to be hard, but you got through it, God is whipping you, like only He can. However, God only whips His children when it isn't harmful. Earthly parents only whip their children when it is harmful. Thus, earthly parents should use natural parenting, namely attachment parenting, and this is how the Early Christians would have seen things. The Early Church forbade its parishioners from participating in Roman floggings and executions, and that is because the Early Christians were pacifists who opposed all violence everywhere, including even in the home.

Heb. 12:5-11 has nothing to do with an earthly parent raising a child, and instead simply rehashes how our Heavenly Father disciplines us, like only He can. But, there are passages in God's Law that deal with parenting. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing their children as extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offenses perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they become adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Children, during the first 6 years of childhood, never left the side of mothers, ranging beside mothers, sometimes clinging to her when they were crying or upset. Mothers used skin-on-skin comfort to reassure children, saying to their crying children "this too will pass". When out and about, mothers wrapped up their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, offering milk-dependent children to breastfeed. By night, mother co-slept next to their children in order to guard them against predatory threats, including the sexual entitlement of fathers. Fathers also formed a secure attachment with their children by way of witnessing skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy between mothers and children, and wanting in on the action as part of a sexual attachment to the child. This sexual attachment - usually towards daughters - was dealt with by way of the father of the child following the sexual thoughts about his child to the end using masturbatory fantasy. Daughters also were attracted to their fathers, usually in the form of wanting to look attractive for her father. Sometimes, fathers succumbed to pressure from their daughters to fornicate (think Lot's daughters in the book of Genesis), and these cases were severely punished, in both the Old and New Testaments.

Parents are to be submissive to children, just as mankind is to be submissive to God, meaning as their/His enemy. Children in biblical times were prized when they were bold and rebellious. In the Early Church, and preceding Jewish culture, boldness was seen as a sign of independence, with independence and self-reliance in children being seen as the main goals of parenting among the ancients. Bold feats of independence were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers. Rebelliousness in children was seen as cute and endearing by adults in biblical times. Children issued righteous demands to their parents, with parents giving up all fight with their children, then giving in to their demands. These righteous demands issued by children brought parents to full and dutiful submission to children. Parents were caregivers of children, not lawgivers or lawmakers, with children being in the providing custody of parents. "Providing custody" means children are under no law, with children instead getting behind a Christ, meaning their parents, until they are old enough to keep the Law. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!