Childhood bipolar disorder: How to deal with defiance associated with the disorder

For some parents, home is a war zone. Childhood bipolar disorder is a behavioral and mood disorder involving periods of elated energy, and dark periods involving a slump of energy, and is also known as manic-depression. Several disorders coexist with childhood bipolar disorder, within the same complex, and is counted as part of the disorder as per DSM-5 criteria. I myself have childhood bipolar disorder, of the primarily manic sort - I was usually manic, but sometimes mixed. I have it medicated with a high dosage of lithium treatment. A lot of my parenting ideas are based on childhood experiences God uses to convict me of proper parenting, meaning my way of attachment parenting works for children with bipolar disorder. Contrary to popular belief, children with defiance disorders such as bipolar disorder need a loose hand, meaning parents need to give up the fight, and give in.

The right setup for a child with bipolar disorder is rest in parents, as per the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. Parents are to be submissive to children, just as mankind is to be submissive to God, regarding oneself as the enemy of children, serving children as their enemy. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of children. Children are to rest in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including punishments or controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here lifted up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Some children, in biblical times, were "stand-beside-me" children, meaning they were too energetic to be held close to mothers. Such children, however, did become defiant to children, and violently so, and that is when such children were put in a passive restraint, with the parent then curling up with the child on the ground, in the fetal position. The fetal position treatment was a parent's last resort when a child was being defiant. Otherwise, chronically defiant and oppositional children were given a wide berth by parents. 

Defiance, in all children, comes from a strong counterwill. Children with bipolar disorder just have an even stronger counterwill, but the response is standard for all defiance - give up, and give in. In your average oppositional-defiant home, parenting is battle of wills between a punitive parent and a spiteful, resentful child who wants their control back. The child will keep controlling, and keep controlling until the parent gives up, and gives in to the demands of the child. Then, once you give up the fight with your child, you may find that they give up the fight with you. Do note that with bipolar disorder, there is no excuse for not medicating the child, but there is a period of time that elapses before the child is able to receive medication, and that's when your child needs a non-controlling environment. It just so happens that ALL children, including well children, also need a non-controlling environment. 

How do you stop controlling your child? The idea is to avoid parent anger to the point to where it has completely been eliminated from your entitlement. Parents should declare themselves a depraved and entitled sinner due to having a parent anger problem, and know that they are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to their child. When you take the attitude that you are deserving of absolutely nothing from children, you end up not demanding things from children, and your parent anger is turned inward-facing, to the point of it percolating to nothing. Parental entitlement, for most parents, is a prideful form of entitlement, and that pride needs to go, with parents being convicted of their sinful nature in relation to their children. The idea is to come to the point where your pride dissipates, and you give up that fight with your child.

I myself have childhood bipolar disorder, in remission due to lithium treatment. I was abused by law-abiding parents due to having the disorder. When my parents tried to control me, they couldn't, because I would just try and control back. The word "no" was the end of the world, because I had no control over my life. It didn't help that my parents used benign deprivation techniques to make sure I heard the word "no". In school environments, I was prone to being restrained or secluded. What would have helped was if adults gave up the fight with me, and let me win for once. Then, I would have gave up the fight on my own terms. I got along best with adults that didn't create adversarial conditions for me. When you deal with a child with bipolar disorder, you go by the law of the street - you don't mess with them, and they won't mess with you.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!