Crying: Why crying and temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents punish their children in America. The most punished of all behaviors in most children is crying. Most infants are allowed to cry, but the older a child gets, the more at-risk they are for being punished for crying and temper tantrums. The fact of the matter is that crying and temper tantrums are not bad behavior, and are normal behaviors in children, as a means of communication.

Parents and children are to submit to each other, with mutual submission being the context of soothing a crying or upset child. Parents are to be submissive to their children, just as parent believers are also submissive to God. Children, in turn, are to rest safely and securely in the submission of parents. This is the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, and sums up the Law and the Prophets. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest safely and securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children from beneath, yet from above, revering children as extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding or skin-on-skin comfort. Children went in the nude for a specific reason in biblical times - so that mothers could scoop them up and snuggle with them in the nude, soothing their cries or upsets. For blatant defiance and agitation in children, mothers went a step further, and laid down with their children in the fetal position. All this skin-on-skin comfort aimed to calm down a ramping up child, and it worked. 

How can the abovementioned context be replicated today? When a child starts crying, and you are at home, disrobe to the lowest level that you feel comfortable with, but preferably all the way or at least to the level of underwear. Then, invite the ramping up child to throw off the clothing. Then, cuddle with your child, holding them next to your bosom in skin-on-skin format. This should stop crying within 1-2 minutes, but usually less. This treatment should also be relaxing to the mother, in a way that will tell you that you should have done this with your child from the very beginning. When a child is throwing a defiant temper tantrum, perhaps hitting and shouting profanity, pick them up or grab hold of them gently, and curl up with them on the ground in the fetal position. When children are in the fetal position with mothers, they calm down real fast. The fetal position and skin-on-skin comfort of all kinds can also be used for overactivity and lack of sleep. Mothers should know best as to when to apply, and how they want to apply skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance, but there is no calm in your child without some level of skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. 

Crying is not bad behavior. Neither are temper tantrums. Children don't cry or tantrum in order to undermine parents or provoke anger in parents. All children cry or tantrum for the same reason a baby cries - they want loving attention! Crying and tantrums are a form of communication. Children at a young age or developmental level are not able to communicate their needs any better, due to diminished self-control and language skills. Children do not need to be taught directly how to ask appropriately for what they need. If they see you ask politely and appropriately for what you need, and you impart that example to them, they will absorb your example on their own terms. Crying and temper tantrums are a phase of childhood development, and one that children grow out of naturally. Simply don't be entitled yourself, and don't show entitlement to your child, and your child will eventually do the mental work to be like you, and will have the same discipline and complexion that you have. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!