Teaching children discipline: How to teach children how to be strict with themselves (without spanking or punishment)

Many people think that they need to teach children discipline, and that they need to do so by way of punishing children with things such as spanking, time-out, loss of privileges, or grounding. Most American parents think that you need to punish or be controlling with a child in order to discipline them. The fact of the matter is that children discipline themselves. They just need to be allowed to chasten themselves up in the Lord. 

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with a promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in the Lord, following parents around like goslings to a mother goose. The Greek root word translated "honor" is τιμαό (Latin: timao) and refers to valuing at a price, meaning parents were bondservants to their children, to be valued at a price, and they had to earn their worth in terms of that price. Parents were seen in biblical times as bondservants working with their children for a lump sum, which was independence in their child.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the Christian church. Paul, contrary to popular belief, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Discipline is necessary in parenting, but children can teach themselves discipline. But, they need the example of a parent. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to non-entitlement to the level of undeservingness. The Christian standard of discipline and chastisement is coming to the conviction that you are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing, and thus should be grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Discipline didn't mean punishment then, but instead using a disciplined example in a parent to encourage self-discipline in children. Discipline, in terms of hard lessons, is for the parent, and then for the child to follow suit in the parent's footsteps.

Discipline had to be backed up by something. Punitive parenting such as spanking and other forms of punishment only drive children away from discipline. Attachment parenting is the only way in backing up a chastened up example. Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, otherwise going in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comforting strategies. The core aspect of Christian attachment parenting in the 1st Century was skin-on-skin co-sleeping, with mother and child fast asleep next to each other in the nude, with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin. Fathers witnessed the skin-on-skin co-sleeping, and developed a secure attachment with their child. Most of the time, the secure attachment between father and child came in the form of a sexual attachment, with this sexual attachment usually being felt towards daughters, and in a connotational way. Fathers were instructed by church authorities to follow their sexual thoughts about their child to the end using masturbatory fantasy. Actual child sexual abuse was rare next to non-existent in biblical times, but when it did happen, it was seen as a crime deserving of death, even in the New Testament, where Christ abolished the death penalty.

Attachment parenting works in a special way to motivate children to learn discipline on their own, and chasten themselves up. Children, in an attachment parenting home, want to be like their parents. They then do the work in order to be like their parents, centering themselves using the exact same thought processes and convictions that their parents came to. Children then chasten themselves up in the example of their parents. There is no need to force children to be disciplined, because children naturally become chastened up and disciplined on their own, as long as their parents are chastened up and disciplined. Children naturally absorb the behaviors of their parents, and copy those behaviors, whatever they are, and if those behaviors are disciplined and chastened up in nature, they will copy those behaviors.

Children won't be disciplined right away, but by the time they are young adults, you can count on them being disciplined and chastened up. If they aren't, you can blame any developmental disorder or other mental health disorder that they might have, such as autism, ADHD, or bipolar disorder. In the case where they do have a mental health disorder of some kind, cut your child some slack, as they may never get to a level of discipline that you would like them to be at, and you just need to accept that.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!