Respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents believe that they are deserving of respect just for existing as parents. This is a common stance amongst American parents. Most American parents think that their children owe them respect. Many of these parents, if not most, cite the Bible as a source for this claim that they are deserving of respect. The fact of the matter is that parents are deserving of absolutely nothing. Parents have to earn everything in life, even as parents.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ Sacrificed for His children, with children being a Godhead for parents to serve, with children resting securely and safely in the submission of parents, owing absolutely nothing in return to parents, giving back to them nonetheless as young adults. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, with parents being subservient to them just as they are to Him, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or anyone else.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any form of punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed to any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore no clothing, at all, until adulthood. Women only wore clothing outside the home, otherwise going in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, respectively. The core aspect of Christian attachment parenting in the 1st Century was skin-on-skin co-sleeping, with mother and child fast asleep next to each other in the nude, soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. By day, children ranged beside their mother, sometimes clinging to her. When mothers went out and about to run errands, children were wrapped next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Mothers co-snuggled with children when they were crying or upset.

True respect in parenting is earned. Respect for parents, in the biblical tense, is not based on fear of punishment, but closeness to parents. Parents are to form with their children a secure parent-child bond, which leads to children respecting parents. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but that concept was based on warm closeness to parents, as well as sustaining intimacy with parents, not fear of punishment. Mothers used skin-on-skin comforting strategies to gain the respect of their children, with this respect and closeness translating onto fathers as well. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend in to the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!