Independence: Why parents in biblical times wanted self-reliant children

Many parents think that the goal of parenting is obedience. This is a common belief among American parents. Most American parents think that it is necessary to instill obedience in a child. The fact of the matter is that parents in biblical times did not want their children to be obedient to their "authority", but instead wanted their children to be as independent as possible. 

The Apostle Paul wrote in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with children being a Godhead for parents to serve, with children resting securely in the submission of parents, owing absolutely nothing to parents for their good works towards children. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, with parents being subservient to them just as they are to Him, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or anyone else.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including. but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" here referring to the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was lifting up the Law in order to educate Greek and Roman parent newcomers to the Christian Church about church tradition in terms of parenting, which was attachment-based in nature.

Children, in biblical times, wore no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside of the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. The core of Christian attachment parenting in biblical times was skin-on-skin co-sleeping. However, co-sleeping only lasted as long as the child accepted it. At some point in late childhood, children shook off the closeness of their parents, wanting to assert their independence.

Attachment parenting isn't a clingy method of parenting to keep children dependent on parents. Closeness to parents that is part of attachment patenting is a way for a child to "recharge" and "charge up" their ability to be independent. Children are more self-reliant and independent when their every vulnerable need is met, and the greatest need of all children is attachment. Thus, fill their cup with everything they need, and they will do the rest, at their own pace.

In the Early Christian culture, as well as their Jewish predecessors, children who were self-reliant and independent were prized, especially when they did bold feats of independence. Boldness was prized in both boys and girls, in different ways. Independence was encouraged by the father, once the child took up the vocation of learning to become independent. Children naturally shook off their parents, and that natural instinct - which all children have - was encouraged by fathers. 

All children have a drive to become as independent as possible, meaning all children want to become independent. It is part of natural human instinct in children to strive to be as independent as possible. Punishment represses that drive, and makes children more dependent on their parents. Children need all their needs met in order to become as independent as possible, with the main need being attachment. Children, for the first 6 years of life, should never leave the side of their mother, and that closeness and intimacy between mother and child, by way of instinct, prepares a child for independence. After age 6, children start asserting their independence, and the reasons for this are instinctual, and linked to the closeness in the former half of childhood. In most attachment parenting homes, children reach maturity by their pre-teens, with teenagers in such homes being largely self-reliant. Think like a charger on a phone - if you don't charge your phone, it goes dead. That's how children learn independence - closeness and intimacy recharges them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!