Childhood aggression: How to deal with children hitting and attacking parents

Many parents have been there. Your 6-year-old typically-developing child hits you. Your 16-year-old autistic child slaps you in the face. Most parents in America get angry with the child, and usually punish the child severely for their aggression. However, anger should not drive that bus that guides your parents, at all, no matter the circumstances. There is always a better way to handle a frustrated child than punishing them.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in mutual submission format in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children on the cross, with children being a Godhead for children to serve, with children resting safely in the submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of their children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, with parents being subservient to them just as they are to Him, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting while owing nothing to parents. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular beliefs, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was lifting up the Law in order to educate Greek and Roman parent newcomers about the proper Jewish parenting traditions of the Early Church, which were attachment-based in nature.

Many parents get angry when a child hits or otherwise strikes them. This is a common reflex response from a parent, but it is morally unacceptable to get angry with a child for any reason. Parent anger towards one's own child comes from a place of pride and power, and the Christian parent is to shed all of that. Purging of parent correcting anger comes from the realization that YOU need an attitude change, and that YOU are a depraved and entitled sinner deserving of absolutely nothing from children, not even respect, not even forgiveness. True respect, and true forgiveness is earned. A parent should see themselves as a worthless slave to their children. This is known as pro-social self-loathing. Do not love your parent nature, as it is was given to us in error. 

When you feel like you deserve nothing from your child allows you to cry with your child when they hit or are physically aggressive. If your child hits or otherwise strikes you, DO NOT get angry or punish the child. Find your tears, and bring them out, accepting the helplessness of the situation. It is a myth that children want to take advantage of a crying adult. Children have a sense of concern for their neighbor in them, but may be flawed in how to rectify a social wrong that they perceive they made. Tears from an adult get a child's attention, in a way that they immediately know what they are doing wrong, in which case they usually want to fix it. 

This sort of methodology was what was used in the Early Church, as well as by their Jewish predecessors, to teach children of the harm of physical violence, and to teach children to cry instead of hit. Most of the time, children cried when they wanted something they needed in biblical times, but occasionally, a stray child would strike a parent to communicate a need. The ultimate natural consequence in a biblical home then was a parent breaking down into tears in order to model the right way to self-advocate a need

Purging that parent anger that leads to striking out when your child hits you requires much humility. A parent is to admit to themselves that they are a depraved and entitled sinner deserving of absolutely nothing. It is a total attitude change in a parent, where they come to understand that they are undeserving of anything from anyone, especially their own child. It is a state of conviction where you don't blame your child for everything, but blame yourself instead. The key is to see fault in yourself, yet at the same time forgive your child and do not blame your child for anything. When you point the finger at your child, four more fingers are pointing back at you. The more you see fault in yourself, the less you will come to believe that you will deserve in life. You will eventually come to the point where you feel you deserve being struck by your child for being the entitled wretch that you are. Being hit by your child will hurt, but you will feel hurt, not angry or vengeful, and from that hurt feeling, you can manufacture the tears necessary to righteously shock your child into seeing the harm of violence.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!