Crying: Why crying is not bad behavior

Every parent has had to deal with a crying child every now and then. Most parents think crying, at least to a certain degree, is bad behavior. This is a common mistake made by punitive parents in particular, who punish children just for being children. The fact of the matter is that all children cry for the same reason an infant cries - they want love! So why not give them love?

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure that children have a warm and loving upbringing. Secure attachment was the goal in biblical parenting in ancient times, and secure attachment leads to children listening to their parents, automatically and out of instinct. Children in such a home instinctively go along with parents, trusting in their parents' instructions, not questioning their parents' instructions one bit. This unquestioning compliance was not borne out of fear of punishment, but out of closeness to parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, including the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and then receiving many warnings that their punitive parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular belief, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was advocating on behalf of children growing up in Greek and Roman Christian homes, where they were beaten and brutalized. Paul was educating the newcomers to the church on proper Jewish parenting. The Early Christians used traditional Jewish parenting as a norm.

Crying, in biblical times, was not seen as children "undermining" parents, but instead was seen as a child's way to communicate a need to parents. Parents in biblical times did not punish their children for crying too much. Instead, crying in any child, of any age, was seen as the same as an infant crying. When a child cried in biblical times, parents, as well as all the adults around the child, scrambled to figure out what the problem was, and then gave the child what he/she needed. When children cried out to seek attention, they were given the attention that they needed, usually in skin-on-skin format.

There is a quick fix to a child crying, and that involves skin-on-skin comforting strategies. Some women wear shirts with low necklines not to please men, but to please their children when they are crying. Children can be placed on the bosom - head first in the case of older children - and then soothed and reassured with mother's reassurances. This should stop crying within 1-2 minutes, in which case you can talk to your child about what is wrong (if they are old enough to speak).

Crying, in any child, is like when a baby cries. There is something wrong, and they need something. Usually, all they need is YOU as the parent. There are five categories of needs in children; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of those needs is attachment. Without attachment, the child cannot trust you to provide any of the other needs. This is why a secure attachment is crucial for providing for a child's needs. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!