Understanding mutual submission between parents and children

Many parents think it is acceptable to demand respect from children, and most of these parents cite the Bible as the ultimate source for this parenting view. This is a common mistake parents make in their theology. The belief is that children carry the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship with their parents. The fact of the matter is that parents carry the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship with their children. 

Parents actually do have the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship with their children, with that relationship based on Christian love. Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing your neighbor above yourself, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to your neighbor, with your child being your neighbor and not your enemy. Christian love comes from a place of conviction, where the parent comes to the knowledge that they are a depraved and entitled sinner deserving of nothing, from children or others. True Christian love is not an emotion or an action, but a state of being, with that convicted and servile state of being starting with a convicted and servile approach to children.

Obedience to parents is not something a parent forces or imposes on their children, but instead is something a child elects to do. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure a warm and loving upbringing for children, and win over the cooperation and compliance of their children. When attachment parenting measures, including skin-on-skin comforting strategies, are used in raising children, children cooperate with the instructions of parents, and do so willingly, automatically, and out of instinct. Biblical obedience to parents is not something demanded from parents, but a choice of the child to surrender in to the loving arms of parents, going along with whatever they say, following them wherever they go. Blind obedience is possible under an attachment parenting regime, but that does not involve fear of punishment, but rather an instinctual response to a parent who meets the child's every need. The child, under this framework, has no reason to question the motives of parents, as parents have done nothing hurtful or painful towards them. True biblical obedience is a willful choice, not a result of punishment or reprisal towards children.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child in an exchange, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and receiving many warnings that their parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damage or offense from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking and opposed to punishing a child for anything. His intent behind this commandment was to advocate for children growing up in Greek or Roman Christian homes that were being beaten with the rod and staff of parents, when such rod and staff was intended, under Christian ordinance, to beat intruders, not wives or children. There was no custom of beating children with rods in neither the Early Church nor Ancient Israel. Only adults guilty of a capital offense were whipped by their fathers or elders with the rod of correction, as a second chance at life.

Mothers, in biblical times, were primarily charged with the care and protection of children. Mothers did not spank or punish their children to gain cooperation, but instead used skin-on-skin comforting strategies to gain cooperation from children. Children who cried were not shut out or punished, but instead were placed on the bosom of mothers as a form of skin-on-skin snuggling. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but it was based on closeness to parents, not fear of punishment from parents. The results? Children didn't leave the side of mothers for the first 6 years of life, and when they did leave the side of mothers, they didn't leave the line of sight of parents. They wanted to be close to parents, due to having affection and fondness for their parents, feeling safe in their presence.

Obedience to parents is based on three steps. Hear. Understand. Obey. In order to obey, you need to be able to hear fully the instruction being given to you, which many children can't do (depending on what is being asked of them, and what age they are developmentally). In order to obey, you must understand that your parents mean well. This means parents must prove to you that they mean well, and if parents show effectively that they mean well, children automatically listen to and obey parents, not questioning the parent's motives behind the instruction. It isn't a hearkening type of obedience, but an obedience where children naturally go along with whatever parents are doing, wherever they are, automatically listening to parents like baby geese follow their mother. Obedience is a willful choice on the part of children, in response to an attentive, loving parent. All this starts in the first 6 years of life, when mothers should spend extra time with their children and nurture them. It is my opinion that a woman's highest calling is being a mother, and so mothers should ideally quit their job to spend time bonding with their children.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever!