The Fifth Commandment: Why respect is earned

Many parents know of the Fifth Commandment to honor parents. Most parents who follow this commandment do so by demanding respect from children. This is a common mistake parents mistake when implementing the Fifth Commandment in their homes. The fact of the matter is that 1) respect is earned in parenting and 2) the Fifth Commandment was originally intended to prohibit elder abuse as a basis for the parent protection laws.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment was written to a context that stigmatized the reporting of elder abuse. Parent victims of elder abuse were the ones blamed for abuse from their children. Elder abuse did not happen often in the Old Testament, but when it did, it was isolating for the parent victim, as the common epithet to their abuse was "where did they learn to behave that way". This commandment, therefore, was the basis for the parent protection laws. "Do not curse parents" means do not issue an airborne gaslighting curse onto them. "Do not strike parents" means do not repeatedly beat them. These laws do not apply today. Instead, the spirit of the Fifth Commandment applies today, as repeated in the New Testament.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure that children have a warm and loving upbringing, winning over the respect and affection of children. When attachment parenting is used to the fullest, children listen to parents automatically and out of instinct. Obedience, in the Bible, refers to something different than what the term ordinarily refers to. Obedience to parents is not something to impose on a child, but instead is a willful choice of a child to surrender to parents, out of blind trust for parents, and with children not questioning the motives of parents. When parents form a secure bond with children, children don't question the motives of parents, trusting them vulnerably and affectionately. Children in such homes go along with parents blindly, as an instinctual way of complying with parents. Children naturally want to listen to parents, as is in their childhood instincts. True biblical obedience to parents by children in the Bible is based off of secure attachment, with this Greek word referring to secure attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child in an exchange, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and after receiving many warnings that their parenting was in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen merely as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking and opposed any punishment of a child, like most Jews then and now. Paul gave these commands while advocating for children in Greek and Roman Christian homes, trying to educate such parents on proper Jewish parenting. Paul would have none of children being struck and beaten by their parents in the church he oversaw. Jewish society, then and now, never condoned any punitive measures in parenting. Judaism is the root religion of Christianity, and so the Christian parent should go by the Hebraic context of the Bible on parenting, which forbids parents from striking or punishing their children for any reason.

Mothers, in biblical times, were the primary adults charged with the care and protection of children. Mothers then did not spank or punish children to get them to listen, but instead used skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy to form a secure bond with their child, which naturally led to them listening. Children never wore any clothing, at all, until they were adults. Mothers only wore clothing outside of the home. Mothers snuggled with children, and allowed children to cling to them, when both were disrobed. When out and about, mothers held children close to their bosom, or else on their back, with swaddling blankets.

The results of such attached measures? Children never left the side of mothers until age 6, and even when older children did leave her side, they never left the line of sight of parents. Children naturally went along with parents. Respect for parents was a concept for children then, but such respect was based off of closeness, not fear of punishment. Children grew up to be fond of, and affectionate towards, their parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!