Proverbs 13:24: Why this is not a pro-spanking verse

Many parents think that they have the right to spank and punish their children. This is a common mistake that parents make. Most of these parents use the Bible as an excuse for their abuse. One verse commonly used as a means to justify abuse towards children is Proverbs 13:24. Many think Prov. 13:24 has to do with striking a young child, when it is a poetic verse when understood in context.

It says in Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He that spareth his rod hates his son: but he that loveth his son chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew root word translated "rod" here is שּׁבֶט (Latin: shebet) and refers literally to the rod of correction. The rod of correction was an instrument of legal correction wielded by a father towards an adult offender who was found guilty of a capital offense. The Hebrew root word translated "son" is בֵּו (Latin: ben) and refers, in this context, to an ADULT son, not a minor son. A capital offender, upon conviction, was issued 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, administered in a courtroom and not in a family home. The tradition was that, if you survived the whipping, you were given a second chance at life. Figuratively speaking, this example of a rare legal punishment was used in Jewish culture as a metaphor for enduring hardship. The meaning of verses in Proverbs carry many layers, as Proverbs is poetry, not prose.

Rod language is a concept in Jewish literature and the Hebrew language, where God is likened to a Father who whips His children into shape by sending them hardship, and if you can get through that patch of hardship, and it made you stronger, it genuinely came from God. Anything that causes trauma does not come from God, and comes from the devil. The rod verses in Proverbs denote the chastening of the Lord, or the hardship imposed by the Lord on Christians to chasten them up and harden them, like only He can. Haven't we all been given a second chance by hardship? We were all, as believers, whipped into shape by the Lord chastening us up, and we surely survived to tell the tale. If some of us didn't or were marred with trauma, it comes from the devil.

The rod verses in Proverbs are not about parenting, but are about allowing your adult children to endure hardship, instead of shielding them from it. God provides parents with actual parenting verses in the New Testament. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This involves children resting securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. True biblical obedience to parents is secure, vulnerable rest in parents, leading to children listening to parents because they trust parents enough to listen to them automatically. In an attachment parenting home, children listen to parents as a part of an instinct to go along with parents, with this instinct coming out when they trust parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their child too many times, and receiving many warnings that their parenting was out of compliance with the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment then was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this historical legal context for a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. The Early Christians did not have any such custom, as the custom of the Early Christians is attachment parenting.

Mothers, in biblical times, were primarily charged with the care and protection of children. Christian mothers did not spank or punish to gain cooperation of their children, but instead strived to form a secure parent-child bond with their children. A common way for mothers to gain cooperation from children was skin-on-skin comforting strategies. Whenever a child was crying, mothers placed the child on her bosom, and the contact between the bosom of the mother and the skin of the child created a secure bond between mother and child, where the child was more cooperative and would listen more. Attachment parenting was the way of the ancients, and was the way of the Ancient Jews and Christians. 

Respect for parents was a concept then, but that respect was based on closeness, not fear of punishment. Children automatically and instinctively listened to parents, and that was because they instinctively knew that parents knew what was best for them. How did they know? Children weren't punished or controlled at all, and were offered closeness and intimacy with mothers, building a secure parent-child bond that would last a lifetime.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever!