Pro-social skin-on-skin: A quick way to gain cooperation from children

Many parents and pastors advocate for spanking and punitive forms of parents. A common pro-spanking argument is that punitive measures are easy to implement, thus making them valid in some way. Mainstream gentle parenting advocates say that there is no quick fix in parenting, and that building a relationship with children takes time. However, there are quick fixes to a crying child that are non-punitive and gentle in nature, as a part of an attachment parenting regime. That fix involves skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with children to soothe their tears.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure that children have a warm and loving upbringing, working to win over the trust and affection of children. When attachment parenting is used to the fullest, including skin-on-skin comforting strategies, children listen to and cooperate with parents, automatically and out of instinct. Biblical obedience to parents isn't something that is demanded of children, but instead is a willful choice of a child to surrender to parents, usually as a result of having their every vulnerable need met. Blind obedience is possible under an attachment parenting regime, in which case it is an automatic, instinctive form of listening to parents. Children just naturally trust their parents when parents meet a child's every vulnerable need, and that natural trust is borne out of instinct to go along with parents. True biblical obedience isn't a hearkening type of obedience, but a form of listening to parents where children go along with parents blindly. Fill a child's cup with whatever they need, and they will give back by obeying you. Obedience is a form of giving back to parents, usually done willfully and out of instinct.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child in an exchange, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and after parents received many warnings that their parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking and opposed punishing a child for any reason. Paul was advocating for children in Greek and Roman Christian homes who were being beaten with a rod and staff. The rod and staff of a father was intended only for intruders. There was no such custom of spanking and punishing children in Ancient Israel or the Early Church. Jewish society then and now has never condoned any sort of punitive parenting, or any form of child abuse for that matter. Judaism is the root religion of Christianity, and so the Christian parent must go by the Hebraic context of the Bible, which forbids striking or punishing a child for any reason.

Mothers, in biblical times, were the adults primarily charged with the care and protection of children. Mothers in biblical times didn't spank, whip, or punish their children to gain cooperation. Instead, mothers then used skin-on-skin comforting strategies to reassure a crying child, thus forming a secure bond with children. Children never wore any clothing, at all, until adulthood. Mothers only wore clothing when outside the home, perhaps when running errands, and even then, mothers didn't wear much. Children co-snuggled with mothers in skin-on-skin format. Children were placed on the bosom of mothers, either co-snuggling with children or using co-mingling strategies to hold children close to the bosom or back of mothers with swaddling blankets.

This led to children respecting their parents. Respect for parents, in biblical times, was a concept, but such a concept was based off of closeness to parents, not fear of punishment from children. Children listened to parents automatically and out of instinct, not questioning the motives of their parents. When children have all their needs met, and have their cup filled to the top, they don't question your motives as a parent. They just go along with whatever you have to say or do. That is because they are NOT afraid of you, thus don't resent you one bit. 

Obedience is based off of three steps. Hear. Understand. Obey. Children must hear your instructions towards them, which many times, they don't because their brain isn't ready to hear you. Children must understand that parents mean well, and this means parents must prove that they mean well by not being punitive, and instead seeking to form a secure bond with children. From there, the rest is history. Children will go along with whatever instructions you have of them once their cup is filled to the top with what they need. 

A child has five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and attachment is the greatest of all those needs. Children will listen to parents, as it is in their instincts to go along with parents, much like baby geese follow the mother goose. You just need to fill their cup to the top in terms of needs, and be a kind, nurturing parent to them. 

The quick way to becoming an attachment parent is placing the crying and out of sorts child on your bare bosom as a mother, and snuggle with your child. You will then find that it feels natural to do that in order to soothe your child. Co-snuggling with your child in skin-on-skin format will stop the crying within 1-2 minutes, and then you can talk to your child about what is wrong, or, in the case of a baby, diagnose what is going wrong. Usually, you'll find, children cry when they need something, regardless of age, just like a baby goose might honk for their mother's attention. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger using punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!