Co-sleeping: Why co-sleeping is crucial for a secure parent-child bond

Many parents think that co-sleeping is the irresponsible choice for a parent to make. This is a common argument in favor of punitive parenting, which insists that any child past the infant stage of life sleep on their own. The argument is that children will become dependent on sleeping with their parents. The fact of the matter is that co-sleeping is not dependence-forming, and is crucial to forming a secure parent-child bond with children.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure that their children have a warm and loving upbringing, with parents winning over the affection and respect of children. When attachment parenting is used to the fullest in a Christian home, including with skin-on-skin co-sleeping, children listen to parents, automatically and out of instinct. Obedience, in the biblical tense, is not something you can force onto a child, but is instead a willful choice to surrender to parents on the part of a child, as a response to the child's cup being filled to the top with what they need, forming a secure bond with children. When the child's cup is filled to the top with what they need, they don't question the motives of parents, instead blindly going along with parents. Children blindly went along with children out of fondness and trust for parents, not fear of punishment from parents. This commandment refers to a secure attachment between parent and child, and the results thereof, lifting up customary laws commanding attachment parenting as an established norm.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and after receiving many warnings that their parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as any damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any sort of punishment towards a child. In fact, you wouldn't find a single Jewish parent then, including in the Early Church, who supported striking or punishing a child. Jewish society, then and now, has never condoned any sort of child abuse, including punitive parenting. Judaism is the root religion of Christianity, and so the Christian parent should go by the Hebraic context of the Bible in the realm of parenting, which prohibits any sort of punitive parenting whatsoever.

It is well known that 2-5 year old children often refuse to go to bed on their own. Many parents punish children for this, chalking it up to a "rebellious nature" that supposedly exists in children. The fact of the matter is that children under age 6 are too young to sleep on their own. This is because a young child's refusal to go to bed is a primal fear of predation when sleeping away from mothers. Many think that predation is a threat of the past for children, but we still have sexual predators that may be lurking in homes. Most child sexual abuse takes place as a form of domestic violence against children committed by fathers, and it usually takes place when the child is isolated in room separate from their parents. Mothers in biblical times slept next to their children to protect them from the sexual entitlement of their fathers, as well as other, more non-human predators. Fathers usually had a parent attraction to their children due to the egalitarian nature of the parenting in biblical times, and mothers would keep the men in line in terms of even access to the children, meaning fathers couldn't even interact with their children without the mother's blessing. Today, choosing to co-sleep next to your children will bring out the true colors of your spouse. In the Early Church, mothers of sexually abusive fathers of their children had the right of divorce (see 1 Cor. 7:10-11).

It is a myth that co-sleeping leads to sleep dependence. "Sleep dependence" is a term thrown around by medical and mental health professionals who treat children, such as pediatricians and child psychologists. The modern research into co-sleeping is incomplete, and also limited in nature. Psychohistory and biblical research tells us a very different story. Children in biblical times would sleep next to their parents only until they were ready, on their own accord, to sleep on their own. Usually, children shook off the nighttime comfort of their parents sometime between the ages of 6-10, when they were starting to prove their independence from their parents. Children ranged beside mothers from birth until age 6, or else being co-mingled to her bosom or back. After age 6, children became more mobile, and started insisting on doing things on their own. Parents, especially fathers, encouraged independence by showing children how to do things on their own safely. This included, at some point in the child's development, children sleeping on their own. Children would insist on sleeping on their own, and fathers turned it into a challenge, and if the child wasn't ready, there was still a spot for them on the family bed. 

Children slept next to mothers in biblical times, and did so in skin-on-skin format. In biblical times, children did not wear any clothing, at all, until adulthood - virgins didn't wear any clothing until marriage. Mothers didn't wear clothing except when leaving the house. Mothers and children slept next to each other at night, with the child soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. The touch of bare skin between mother and child formed a bond between mother and child. This was a form of compliant attachment, where children listened blindly to parents, and listened because they wanted to at the lowest level. All of this was because of the constant and intense closeness between parent and child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!