How to teach obedience to children - without spanking or punishment

Many parents believe in the concept of obedience, and want their children to know what it means to be obedient. So, they demand obedience from children. This is the wrong way to go about things. Obedience, in the Christian faith, does not just mean yield to the one above you in terms of command. Obedience also  means yield to the one next to you.

Obedience is to be modeled to children, not enforced on children, as children are to submit differently to adults. Obedience is not merely an action, but a state of being, marked by Christian love and submission to your neighbor, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao). Christian love is prioritizing everyone around you first, and yourself last, leading to dutiful and selfless submission to the needs of your neighbor. 

Obedience is an attitude that your neighbor needs something from you, and so you give it to them, without question, despite your own self-interest. Your needs don't matter, as you can meet them on your own time. But, your neighbor's needs are paramount. It comes from a convicted and fearful attitude that your neighbor that you have a wicked and evil sin nature, thus deserve nothing from anyone, and owe your neighbor everything you have, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

All worldly authority is to be obeyed as well, in a slightly different way. It says in Romans 13:1-2 KJV:

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

The Greek root word translated "subject" is υποτασσο (Latin: hupotasso) and refers to loyalty, meaning Paul was issuing the command for the Roman Christians to be loyal to Rome to the point of not rebelling against the emperor. Some Roman Christians were planning a rebellion against Rome. However, Jewish customary law stated that Jews in foreign countries other than Israel obey the law of the land, except when the law contradicted with a clear commandment from God. This can be modeled to children by verbalizing and narrating, when around them, the little things you do to obey authority. Another good way is to hold their hand while crossing the street, and explaining to them why you have to hold their hand, which would explain the rules of the road to children.

The idea is to show this attitude to your child, and be kind to them as well, in your loving, obedient example. A good example needs to be backed up by something, and the best and most time-honored way of backing up a Christian example of any kind is Christian attachment parenting. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke nor your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with parents sacrificing for a Godhead which is children, with children resting securely in such sacrifice, being worshipped and venerated as extensions of God and His Authority on earth. Children were the boss of their parents, and issued orders as to what they needed. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian society. Attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law in Ancient Israel, and under church ordinance in the Early Church.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in the context in which it was given, as a prohibition on all punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. Patrias potestas translates from the Latin as "power to the father" or "power to the parent", and refers to the right of a father under Greco-Roman law to use force as he sees fit to police his own home. No analogous law existed under Judeo-Christian law. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting for punishing their children too many times, after receiving many warnings beforehand that their punitive behavior was unlawful. Paul was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such custom existed among the Early Christians, and among the Ancient Israelites, whippings only existed as a sentence for crime. The rod verses in Proverbs, in context, refer literally to judicial corporal punishment, and figuratively, to life's hardships - the 40 minus 1 lashes was seen by the Ancient Israelites as something to endure, and if you survived the whipping, you had a second chance at life. Ultimately, these verses refer to, figuratively, how God gives us a second chance at life after we choose to endure hardship instead of run away from it.

Children should NOT be beaten or punished into being obedient to their neighbor. Instead, parents should show them an obedient example by practicing the skill of obedience with others when their child is around. Usually, an obedient adult is silent and shamefaced, and if they have children, and they don't punish their children, these life skills will transfer onto their children. There is no need to force children to be obedient to you. Eventually, they will, once you provide enough warmth and love for them to win them over.

How does God want parents to conduct attachment parenting? Children in Ancient Judeo-Christian culture went naked wherever they went. Women also went naked, in the family home, in order to serve their husband and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. By day, children ranged beside mothers, sometimes clinging to them. By night, children slept next to mothers, guarding children from all threats external and domestic, with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with mothers. Both parents took orders from their children, with children striking reverent terror in parents for the every needs of said children, with children bossing parents around.

The abovementioned warmth and love served to win children over to the obedient example of parents, meaning children wanted to be like their parents, and then heeded and obeyed their neighbor like their parents did. Parents in the Early Christian churches were very obedient towards the needs of their neighbor, and this example was passed down to children by way of using attachment parenting strategies to win over children. The idea behind teaching obedience is to show it in your example, and back up that example using attachment parenting closeness. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!