Crying: Why crying is not bad behavior in children

All parents have to deal with their child crying at some time. Many parents think that crying is bad behavior, deserving of punishment and controlling treatment. However, the fact of the matter is that crying is not behavior. Crying is normal for children to do as a behavior, and is a form of communication. Never ignore a crying child.

The proper attitude towards all children, including those in a crying fit, is Christian love. Christian love is more than a feeling or action, but instead is a way of life for a Christian, and is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to, in parenting, prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children. Ultimately, love is putting your neighbor first, and yourself last, with putting yourself last coming from fearful and reverent conviction that you are a worthless and entitled sinner that is deserving of nothing, and thus owe things to your neighbor as due penance for your sin nature. Crying in a child is how they communicate their needs, so the idea is to prioritize their needs, and give them what they need, even if it goes against your self-interest as an entitled parent/adult. You are not entitled to your child behaving the way you want them to, dear parents. I am not entitled to anything from children, and thus I owe them everything I can as due penance for having a depraved and decadent sin nature.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, with parents sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with parents surrendering to and submitting to a Godhead which is children, serving her every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others. There is no praise for the good parent, as parents are not entitled to praise, including of good appearances, from anyone. Parents are entitled to nothing, from anyone, period. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian society. Attachment parenting was mandated in Ancient Israel under Jewish customary law, and was mandated in the Early Church under Christian ordinance. This commandment enacts attachment parenting as the unwritten law of the land for all time.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in the context in which it was given, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any form of punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. Patrias potestas translates from the Latin to "power to the father" and "power to the parent", and refers to a legal defense under Roman law that allowed for a father to use as much force as he saw fit to control his home. No analogous law existed under Judeo-Christian law. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting for punishing their children too many times, after many warnings that such parenting was unlawful and a capital offense, including a final warning of 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. The rod of correction was a switch wielded by a father of an adult descendant as a form of judicial corporal punishment. Offenders were first tried in a criminal court of law, with the presumption of innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. A whipping was a rare event, and was a final warning before an offender was put to death - and actual executions were even rarer, with both punishments being intended to shock the Israelites into good behavior. If you lived through the 40 minus 1 lashes, you were given a second chance of life. Prov. 13:24 and related rod verses compare all endurance of hardship as a young adult to the 40 minus 1 lashes, which was seen as a harrowing punishment to endure. Children were never punished for anything in both the Old and New Testaments, as children were not seen as subject to the Law, but instead were seen as learning the Law.

Every child who cries does so for the same reason an infant cries - they want love! So, why not give them love, meaning whatever they need? Most of the time, listening is half the battle, so listen to children and validate their vulnerable upset. Children do not cry simply to get under your skin, or to "undermine parental authority". They cry to communicate a need. Just know that once you heed their need once, they WILL cry the next time, and the next - and this is just a sign that they feel safe confiding into you. In a good Christian parenting home, a child should be able to talk to parents about everything under the sun without expecting punishment or reprisal in return.

One good way to stop crying in 1-2 minutes, if you are their mother, is to hold them to your bosom, and let them cry into that area of the body, then reassuring them that you are there for them. Some women wear low necklines out and about not to please their husband or other men, but instead to please their child and appease their upsets. This is how mothers dealt with crying children in biblical times. Children were held to the bosom of mothers, in a cradling way with babies under age 3, and by way of holding the child head first to the bosom in the case of older children. In the case of child aggression, all aggression was directed towards the bosom of the mother, leading to tears in mothers, with mothers modeling to children how to cry instead of hit. Fathers also reassured children, but more from a distance, usually in a frantic way. Biblical parents were some of the warmest and most loving and non-shaming parents in history. Parents in biblical times were incapable of parent anger for the most part, thus any anger towards a child made the parents seen as a viper or a monster, and most people wished death upon such parents. Mothers did not punish children with spanking or other punishments for crying, nor did they sit a crying child down in a chair. Even crying out of anger was met with warmth and love. Parents never got angry with their children, and if they did, they were seen as abusive from the start, and in the Old Testament, were eventually put to death.

Punishment doesn't solve the problem as to why a child cries. It only leads to repression of the crying behavior, which ultimately leads to it coming out sideways in the form of defiance and aggression. If you take the non-violent, non-punitive biblical method of dealing with children, you WILL get more tears and crying. But, more crying is a good thing, as children then feel safe telling you anything. Crying is a form of close confidence into parents, where parents are put in the role of confidant instead of disciplinarian. Punishment "shuts up" children, but at the cost that they repress their emotions and also, in fact, can't control them. It is a fact that punishing children to control them renders them dependent on outside control, which isn't always available in the adult world. Children need to learn to control themselves, thus, when they are out of control and crying, they need parents and adults to stay IN control of their emotions, in a reassuring and loving way.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!