Skin-to-skin closeness: Why this is crucial to form a secure parent-child bond

Many parents seek cooperation from children by way of punishment and controlling demeanor, and think punitive parenting. This is a common mistake that American parents make regarding their children. The fact of the matter is that children need a secure parent-child bond. That type of bond is formed by skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with children.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself last as a parent, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children then resting in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This rest, in biblical times, meant rest in the bosom of mothers, and in the shelter of fathers, but more so rest in the bosom of mothers, experiencing skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with mothers. This close bond and friendship between mother and child fostered cooperation between parent and adult. Attachment parenting was the norm in Ancient Jewish society, including the Early Church, and customary law mandated that parents utilize attachment parenting methods to bond with their child and gain cooperation.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was understood, in its original context, as prohibiting all punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. The Apostle Paul here was rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church, with such parents misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their pagan punishment habits. Paul was explaining the big picture, citing the Jewish commandment to "love your neighbor and not provoke them to anger" and applying the Jewish commandment to a Christian context. The rod verses - all seven of them - refer not to raising children, but a form of judicial corporal punishment, with the father being a legal authority over his ADULT son, being appointed as such by the court to issue 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. MINOR children could not be charged with a crime, as children were not subject to the Law, instead being seen as learning the Law. Spanking and punishment of children, as a custom, does not come from the Bible, but from the Roman Catholic Church pandering to European pagan cultures who beat and whipped their children as a form of discipline, with the colonial powers taking that false doctrine around the world.

Skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy was the main way that Christian parents in the 1st Century gained cooperation of children. Children went naked wherever they went, and women also went naked in the home, with women using their nudity to serve their husband and children, separately. Children ranged beside children by day, sometimes clinging to her. By night, children slept next to mothers, or else on top of her if the child was under age 3 (for access to nourishment, and for safety purposes - the child would be crushed otherwise when mothers rolled over). Children, when taken out in public, were held to the mother's body with swaddling blankets and papoose bags.

Children up until age 6 never left the side of mothers in the Early Church, and were swaddled next to mothers at all times. Children older than that were more mobile, and played freely, but never left the line of sight of parents. The ancient world was full of war and mayhem, and so parents offered shelter from such hardships. Children were allowed to run around freely, but with the supervision of parents.

Children eventually, come young adulthood, became cooperative with parents. Children were not expected to follow the example of parents fully until young adulthood. Children have poor self-regulation and self-control compared to adults, and their brains aren't fully formed until they are adults, and so they are going to cry, throw fits, and cause mischief. Most behavior that children are punished for is developmentally appropriate in nature, meaning understandable given their age and development. The idea is to respond to behavior, not react to it. Children cry and throw fits for the same reasons that a baby cries - they want love! So, why not give them loving attention? They are only little once, and the phase where they need your constant loving attention is just a phase - children grow out of these phases all on their own, with help of a good, disciplined example in a parent.

Children in biblical times called the shots. In biblical times, the every cry and demand of a child was a lawful and binding order, meaning a summonses from God. Children were deified and worshipped as extensions of God. Parents reverently feared their children, with said fear leading to obedience and submission to children and their every vulnerable need. Parents could not issue lawful and binding orders upon their minor children...The context contained herein is applicable today just as it was in biblical times. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!