How to teach sexual purity to children - without punishment or shaming

Many people associate attachment parenting with sex-positive things, such as the view that sex outside of marriage is acceptable, and even a good thing. Many gentle parenting advocates do take this stance, but I, for one, am in favor of sexual purity, both as a conservative Christian and as a feminist. There is a way to teach sexual purity to children without punishing or shaming them.

Many sex-positive parents tell their children "you can have sex with anyone in the world, if you work for it". If your values say sex belongs in marriage, and nowhere else, simply say "One day you will find someone that you will love, and that love will last forever". Reassure them that they will get the chance to find a spouse to have sex with someday.

Passing down values as sacred as these requires a working relationship with your child. Punishment only drives children away from Judeo-Christian sexual purity values. Attachment parenting backs up those values well. The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting home is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted by the Greek root word translated αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, with parents sacrificing for their children just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with children resting in the sacrifice of parents. Parents labor, toil, and work to win over the trust and affection of their children, and children rest in said love and good works. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Jewish culture, including Early Christian culture. Attachment parenting was mandated under customary law in Ancient Israel, and church ordinance in the Early Church.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offenses perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in context, as a prohibition on all punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. Spanking and other forms of punishment of children do not come from the Bible, but from the Roman Catholic Church pandering to the punitive parenting biases of European pagan cultures who whipped and beat their children. The rod verses in the book of Proverbs are repealed passages. These passages do not even refer to raising children, but to a form of judicial corporal punishment within Judaism where the father is court appointed to whip a capital offender 40 minus 1 lashes, and if the offender survived the lashes, he was given a second chance at life. It is a commandment to allow ADULT children to go through life's hardships, because they are adults, and no longer children. Children were sheltered from life's hardships in Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church, whereas adult descendants were encouraged to face the hardships of adult life, and be chastened up by those hardships (see Heb. 12:5-11).

The national parenting of the Ancient Jewish people, including Early Christians, was a distinct form of attachment parenting that deified children, with children being worshipped and venerated as extensions of God (see Matt. 25:31-46), with parents being struck with reverent fear and terror by their child's every vulnerable want/need, being compelled in the Lord to meet such wants/needs of children. This is why children didn't rebel about wanting to act on their sexual desires with peers - there was a good relationship with parents where the child was valued as emblematic of God and His Authority in terms of the child's needs.

Children played freely in biblical times, and many of the games were high-risk by today's standard. The most high risk game was "marriage". Children went naked wherever they went in biblical times. A Christian marriage, by the biblical definition, is ultimately defined by the signature on the dotted line which is sexual intercourse. Most children embraced when the pretend-play wedding got to that point, but some boys mounted the girls, in which case the two were separated. Neither child was shamed, but were reassured that "you'll get to do that someday".

Children in biblical times were sexual beings on the surface, not under the surface. However, even then, children were not usually inclined to have sex with each other, due to the strong sexual purity influence in the atmosphere then. Children simply masturbated, and were allowed to do so, as parents then knew that masturbation re-channeled thoughts about peers that otherwise would be acted upon. Children masturbated then from very young - age 6 or maybe even younger at times. 

Children were sexual beings in that they felt their sex drive, but parents still taught their children to wait until marriage. They just did so in an encouraging way, reassuring them that "you will get a chance to have sex, once you are married to a husband/wife that you love". Children were taught not to have sex outside of marriage by a continual talk about sex and sexual morality, and redirection away from temptation. Parents never dreamed of punishing or shaming children for their sexuality.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!