"Honor parents": Why this does not give license to demanding respect from children

Many parents know what the Fifth Commandment says, but do they know what it means? The Fifth Commandment is often used as an excuse for children to demand respect and honor from their children. The fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment only applies to clear elder abuse, not simply "back talk". It is good to honor parents, but honor and respect is earned, apart from the basics of respect.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

This commandment, when understood in context, refers to elder abuse, not simply "back talk". Elder abuse was not at all common - it was an isolated issue facing only certain parents of adult children. "Do not curse your parents" means do not issue a gaslighting curse onto them, and "do not strike parents" means do not repeatedly beat parents. What was happening was that these parent victims were blamed for their own abuse, with the attitude being one of "where did they learn to be so violent?". The Fifth Commandment, today, commands basic respect for parents, such as not striking them and not gaslighting them if you are an independent adult. Apart from that, it is okay to oppose or talk back to parents. "Dishonoring parents" as a moral crime today is defined by local and state definitions of elder abuse under the secular law (Rom. 13:1-4), meaning usually involving an injury imposed on the elder in some way.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe confiding into parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Attachment parenting was the established norm, and was mandated under customary law, which this Greek root word lifts up to all.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translates to "vexing" one's children, in the present-tense, and ultimately refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment, in its original context, was intended to prohibit all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeaner towards children whatsoever. The Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on theft and kidnapping - but especially kidnapping - in order to rebuke Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church, with a few Greek Christian parents - not all of them by far - misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their punishment habit. Paul, here, was explaining the commandment to "love your neighbor and not provoke them to anger", likening a child to a neighbor or friend. The rod verses, by Paul's very own testimony, are repealed verses, meaning they are not relevant to today, and only are relevant to the context in which they were given. The verses - all seven of them- refer to a specific form of judicial corporal punishment under Jewish law, namely the 40 minus 1 lashes issued by a father who was appointed by the court to warn his son of impending doom in terms of execution. The Early Church shunned the death penalty under both Jewish and Roman law, and thus participating in any execution or whipping under either legal system was considered grounds for excommunication, and was considered a form of murder or kidnapping in and of itself. Corporal punishment was only legal for mutual accountability between spouses, and even then, such circumstances were rare. Spanking a wife was legal with her surrender and consent. Spanking or otherwise punishing a child was completely illegal, regardless of consent, because children were not bound by the Law - they were simply learning the Law.

The Fifth Commandment, for minor and dependent children, simply requires that children be in the role of secure and loving rest, with this setup being ensured by the parents, not the child. Under the customary law uplifted in the Bible, children are not to have a worry in the world, and are to rest in the bosom of their parents, being nourished and sustained until adulthood. This helps gain respect from children come early adulthood.

Children were strongly deified in both Ancient Israel and the Early Church, meaning children were seen as an extension of God in the family home, with their every vulnerable need being a sign of God to heed and obey. Dependent children have the right to make lawful and binding orders, whereas parents of dependent children do not have the right to make a lawful and binding order towards their children. This was the level of rest minor and dependent children experienced in Christian homes in the 1st Century - children were hailed like royalty, and worshipped like gods and goddesses, being pampered and not having a worry in the world. Every child that died went to Heaven, and the church then believed this.

Still, it is good to show basic respect for a parent. This doesn't mean don't fight, but instead fight fair with your parents. Don't strike your parents, or lash out in violence towards them, except if you cannot communicate your point any better (ex. gaslighting situation). You do not have to forgive your parents if they offended you and discouraged you, but once they are gone, leave them be and move on with your life.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!