Pro-social permissiveness: Why children should have no rules (just bonding time)

Many parents think all permissiveness is the same, and all of it is bad. Permissiveness is where there are no rules in a family home setting for children. Many people think children need a strict set of rules to follow. The fact of the matter is that children do not need rules to follow. They need to make up their own rules, on their own time, and just be pampered and treated with respect by parents.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect from parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe in confiding into parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing and non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Attachment parenting was the established norm in biblical times, as such parenting was mandated under customary law as a means of raising children. That customary law is lifted up in this verse.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, especially child abuse, literally translating to "vex" in the present-tense of the word. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment, in its original context, was understood as prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. Most Greek Christians were compliant with the Christian customary law that mandated attachment parenting, but a few Greek Christian parents were misusing Proverbs to justify their pagan custom of spanking children that they brought onto the church. Paul was lifting up the Law for them, and explaining that they were missing the big picture, and that they were to love their children like a neighbor and not provoke them to anger. The rod verses are repealed verses, Paul was explaining further in his secular pamphlets, and that the verses did not refer to parenting, but to judicial corporal punishment under Jewish law that does not apply to Christians at all - Christ abolished those harsh punishments on the cross. The rod verses - all seven of them - refer to the 40 minus 1 lashes that warned of impending death if young men did not reform themselves.

Children made the rules back in biblical times, meaning children called the shots, having immense lobbying power from a submissive role. Children were strongly deified as extensions of God in the family home (see Matt. 25:31-46), and children had the power to issue lawful and binding orders. The every cry of a child was taken as a lawful order to give a child what they needed, which was usually loving attention. Children's cries were treated as that of an infant, with parents, but especially mothers, seeking to diagnose and treat the upsets that bothered their children and led them to a crying state. Parents were not allowed to give lawful and binding orders to minor children, as minor children could not stand trial for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed.

Children went naked wherever they went, and women were also traditionally naked in the family home, in order to serve her husband and her children, separately. Mothers served their children by having children ranging beside them wherever they went in the home, or else with children clinging to them, by day. By night, mothers slept next to their children, co-sleeping with them, building a bond that would last a lifetime. Mothers, when children were crying, would pull children close to their bosom and reassure them that they were there to listen. Children were treated as the center of the world. 

Children learned self-control for themselves. Parents provided a disciplined, structured example by working on their own self-discipline, and then when children emulated the example of the parent, fathers especially praised their child for their discipline and for "being a chip off the old block". Children were never punished in the name of discipline, but were praised for following the example of parents, being caught being good instead of being "bad". 

Attachment parenting served as an invite for children to learn the chastening of the Lord, and how to keep it, without relying on punishment to keep the Christian traditions. Children were pampered and treated with the utmost tact, love, and respect, and then, they wanted actively to listen to parents, and listened to the best of their ability, given their age and developmental level. They didn't get it perfectly the first time, but by the time they wanted to shake parents off as young adults, they were ready to carry on the example of parents to the next generation, passing down the family tradition.

The depraved and entitled adults who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!