Discipline and parenting: Why children don't need to be disciplined

Many parents think that children need to be disciplined. Most American parents think children need discipline, meaning rules enforced on them, in order to grow in spirit. This is a common belief among American parents, and a common mistake that American parents make. The fact of the matter is that children do not need to be smothered by constant restrictions and punishments - they can thrive without any discipline at all. Children need to find their own discipline in life.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers, officially speaking, to want, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, this refers to the slightest of unattainable want. If a want has a fuse at the end of it, avoid it, and go in the opposite direction of that want, for any want with a fuse attached is an entitled want. Children are watching and observing our every move, and so it is good to work on our entitlement problems, and that includes entitlement towards children, or parental entitlement. Ask, and you shall receive from your child, if they are developmentally ready. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment. It is good to ask politely for things, period, instead of demanding things, as children need a polite, peaceable, and orderly example.

On the other hand, discipline in the Bible is denoted by the Greek root word παιδεία (Latin: erethizo) and refers to a specific Christian standard of discipline that starts with admission of one's depraved and entitled sin nature, and leading to an attitude of being entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow, known as the Living Example of Christ. Children aren't going to follow the example of parents right away. Children are immature, and have trouble with self-regulation. They will eventually come to the same level of self-control and discipline as you, after going through the proper phases of childhood behavior, trying to overcome their childhood deficits, failing, then getting up and trying again. Children shouldn't be expected to follow the example of parents until young adulthood, when they are developmentally ready to give back by honoring your example.

An example has to be backed up by something. Punishment drives children away from wanting to follow your example, meaning it doesn't motivate them. Common disciplinary measures such as time-out and loss of privileges also do not motivate a child. A good example should be backed up by a secure parent-child bond, not any sort of punishment or controlling demeanor. The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children and others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents labor, toil, and work, to win over their child's trust and affection, and children rest in the good works of parents. Parents work, and children rest. More aptly, children rested in the bosom of mothers, receiving nourishment and sustenance from mothers, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy (especially during co-sleeping). Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church. Attachment parenting was mandated under customary law in Ancient Israel, and was also church ordinance in the Early Church. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context of the Bible.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood by the people of the time, as prohibiting all punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor. Paul was rebuking a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Spanking and other forms of punishment do not come from the Bible, but from the Roman Catholic Church pandering to the punitive parenting customs of European pagan cultures that whipped and beat their children into submission. The rod verses in the book of Proverbs - all seven of them - are repealed verses, meaning they are only relevant to the legal context of the time. Such verses do not refer to raising children, but instead refer to an archaic form of judicial corporal punishment where fathers were appointed by the court to issue 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction to an ADULT child who was convicted of a capital offense. MINOR children could not be charged with a crime due to an age of infancy defense under Jewish law. Whippings in the Old Testament were closely conflated with the death penalty. The Early Church shunned the death penalty as well as all corporal punishment, meaning any Christian who patronized a Roman flogging or execution was excommunicated from the church. The only physical discipline allowed was mutual accountability between spouses, and even then, striking a woman was seen as weakness in a man, with forgiveness of wives being a strength in a man.

Children do not need discipline enforced on them. They naturally absorb what is in their environment, but mainly absorb your moral example to them. All parents need to do in order to make sure children are headed down the right path is to impart a good example to children, and then back it up with attachment parenting.

The attachment parenting that was established as the national parenting of the Ancient Jewish people, including in the Early Church, was a special type of attachment parenting that involved deifying children and pro-social child worship. Children were worshipped and venerated as extensions of God, and were idealized in an angelic, deified way. Children could take their parents to court at any time and issue lawful and binding orders on parents to petition their every vulnerable want/need, and parents could not countersue at all. The every self-advocated want/need of a child was Divine Law, and was enforced as such on parents. Children policed for their needs when they weren't getting met, giving parents the morning-breath treatment, issuing orders and decrees, and demanding that their every need be met. The every need of a child was ensured by parents in this way so that children would want to follow the example of their parents later on, when they were more emotionally able to, and had the self-control to take up religious obligations.

How did this pro-social deification and pro-social child worship translate into practical parenting? Children went naked wherever they went. Women went naked in the family home as well, traditionally speaking, in order to serve their husband and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by giving them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. By day, children would range beside mothers, clinging to her at times. By night, children would sleep next to mothers in co-sleeping fashion, soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness. Fathers were nurturing too, but from a distance, being, by default, on formal terms with their children, until the children "broke the ice" and allowed for casual conversation (this restriction being in place due to parent attraction in fathers). Fathers were the encouragers in terms of religious education. Children went to fathers to ask religious questions, and invite fathers to instruct them in the faith. Children were never punished in the process of their religious education, and learned most of it on their own by absorbing the religious example of their father. Usually, children get interested in religion around age 6, developmentally speaking, and that is when religious instruction began in biblical times, with sons especially being eager to internalize the Scripture. Children were allowed to come to a different conclusion than their fathers, but fathers would challenge them to find the evidence in Scripture for their differing theology.

Attachment parenting serves to back up a Christian example. The nicer you are to children, and the more freedom you give them, the more they will want to follow your Christian example. The Ancient Jews, as well as the Early Christians, knew this. Children should be in charge of their every need, because giving them that kind of power makes them want to hear you out in the long run.

The depraved and entitled parents and adults who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!